Trump Postpones Israel Trip; Ynet Trolls Mourn Chance To See Their God

“Bibi’s no Trump, and the trolls know that.”

Givatayim, Israel, December 16 – Subtlety-free, bigoted loudmouths who dominate the comments section on the Ynet news site voiced their disappointment this week at Donald Trump postponing his announced trip to Israel later this month. The group of internet trolls expressed dismay at being deprived of the opportunity to meet the man who embodies everything they wish to become.

Dozens of boorish Ynet users let loose their frustration over the Republican front-runner’s decision not to visit Israel as scheduled toward the end of December, calling other users, the article author, and one another “fag,” “loser,” “dickless,” and multiple variations of “sniveling leftist traitor” in their online reactions to the news. Most blamed “the %$#%ing libtard media” for the development, while others simply gave voice to the thwarted longing they feel toward the prospect of seeing their god in person.

Trump was scheduled to meet with Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu, among others, whose policy dictates that he give equal attention to all American presidential candidates so as not to be seen as favoring any, or opposing any – acts that could prompt accusations of attempting to meddle in US politics. Whereas Netanyahu confidantes privately exhaled when the controversial real estate and reality TV personality announced the postponement, the denizens of the Ynet comments section, and their counterparts on other Israeli news sites, exploded with disappointment, outrage, and cries for bloody vengeance against their opposition.

“Was stoked 2 c him. Somebody’s heads gonna *&^%in roll over this,” said user BigArss of Rishon Letzion. “wut u talkin bout u fag weasel u dont kno,” seconded beefboy of Ashdod. “u cdnt aford 2 go c him u lazy ass $#@^&% on welfare u probably suk arab dik,” offered trumpsky of Bat Yam, bring a soccer-hooligan level of nuance to the discourse.

Observers note that while the local trolls have numerous Israeli demagogues and outspoken, impulsive, egotistical blowhards to idolize and emulate, none of those come close to the magnitude of Trump. “One almost feels sorry for them, seeing that dream fail to materialize,” said journalist Chemi Shalev. “People, if the term is even accurate, who have been following and adoring The Donald from afar for the duration of his campaign will not easily settle even for the likes of Netanyahu himself. Bibi might have played the ‘Arabs are voting in droves’ card; he may flip-flop on the issues to suit shifting political winds; and be willing to sell the country’s soul and resources to big business; but he’s no Trump, and the trolls know that.”

“He did say he would visit later, once elected, and it’s interesting to see the trolls sit with their present disappointment than on crowing over Trump’s mention of his inevitable victory,” continued Shalev. “That shows maturity, I suppose.”

“Sweet mother of God, did I just use that word to describe Trump followers? Oh, God, oh, God, no…”