UN Lauds ISIS For Including Disabled Among Executioners

“They practice such progressiveness that it puts these-called ‘advanced’ societies of the West to shame.”

New York, February 8 – The United Nations Economic and Social Council passed a resolution today commending the Islamic State for its attention to the rights of the disabled after the group’s fighters in Libya were filmed executing accused spies with the participation of a man in a wheelchair.

The resolution, which passed unanimously, cited last week’s mass execution as an example for the world to emulate, and called on other nations and militant organizations to adopt the inclusive policies of the Islamic State, which ensures equal rights for the disabled in its campaign to subjugate all of humanity by force of arms to its brand of Islamism.

“The Islamic State in Libya clearly went out of its way to facilitate the participation of a wheelchair-bound man in its everyday activities, as video evidence shows,” read the resolution, in part. “Such concern for those who might not be able to conform to the mainstream of the society is the hallmark of a progressive, open society that this council, and the United Nations as a whole, strives to advance everywhere. We hereby grant this citation of commendation to the Islamic State for upholding and promoting the rights of the differently-abled.”

Delegates to the Council spoke of the specific aspects of the video that moved them to vote in favor of the resolution. “My brother was in a wheelchair for most of his adolescent years,” recalled Mgonna Beetchu of Nigeria. “The thought that he might get to participate in the brutal crucifixion of alleged spies was never even a dream. It never occurred to us that he might enjoy the same privileges as the fully abled. But here we have a group, not even a UN member, practicing such progressiveness that it puts these-called ‘advanced’ societies of the West to shame,” he added, with more than a hint of schadenfreude.

Reddie Emfeier of Belgium also spoke of her childhood. “Watching the execution video I could not help but remember the way we used to tie up the Jewish kid in our class at school and just torture him,” she recalled. “He was in a wheelchair then – no, actually, he was only in a wheelchair after we finished with him, come to think of it. Anyway, I’ve felt bad for years about that behavior. Not to the point of actually apologizing or trying to do right by that kike, whatever his name was, but enough for wheelchair-bound people to make me feel vaguely uneasy. I’m happy to finally put those demons to rest with this decision, which should make up for anything else I might have done decades ago. It’s the European way.”