Stingy Agency Won’t Offer Lifetime Pension For Killing Palestinians

“The lack of official inducement to kill Palestinians is a little too much to attribute to a bureaucratic oddity.”

Jerusalem, February 25 – Israel’s National Insurance Institute does not offer lifetime financial support to those who have killed Palestinians, an investigation has revealed, calling into question the organization’s and Israeli society’s commitment to conforming with the moral equivalence that the international community sees between Arab terrorism and Jewish self-defense.

A report by the non-profit group Profiling Ugly Terrorist Zionism (PUTZ), published today, contains strong evidence that the Institute, the main vehicle for the financial support of the economically disadvantaged in Israel, is doing nothing to encourage Israelis to kill Palestinians. If confirmed, those allegations cast doubt on Israel’s occupation of the same moral plane as Palestinians, whose government and media verbally and financially encourage the killing of Israelis, and threaten to undermine widely-cherished assumptions about how the two sides to the conflict should be treated.

PUTZ director Benzo Na expressed confusion at the outcome of the study. “I get my news from the international media, like most everybody,” he said. “So this result means one of two things: either there’s some major incompetence and inconsistency going on with Israel’s National Insurance, or the media reports have it all wrong, and everyone knows the media never get it wrong.”

“I find it hard to accept that the absence of an Israeli policy to pay killers of Palestinians is the result of mere incompetence,” continued Na. “Netanyahu has been in power more or less consistently since 2009, and it’s more or less axiomatic that he’s a racist colonialist extremist out to kill as many Palestinians as possible – it’s an oversight of inexplicable proportions for him not to have done exactly what the Palestinian leadership does for people who kill members of the enemy tribe. The lack of official inducement – not to mention widespread cultural and societal encouragement – to kill Palestinians is a little too much to attribute to a bureaucratic oddity.”

“On the other hand, I find it even harder to swallow the idea that there’s media bias, or anti-Israel prejudice in the international arena,” added the PUTZ head. “I mean, if all those countries on the UN Human Rights Council see fit to denounce and investigate Israel all the time, but not China, Belarus, Russia, Guatemala, Syria, Burundi, Saudi Arabia, Morocco, Zimbabwe, Venezuela, Pakistan, Egypt, Bahrain, Gaza, Nigeria, Turkey, North Korea, Somalia, Sudan, Iran, or any of the -stans in Central Asia, obviously there’s nothing terrible going on in any of those places. It should make perfect sense to treat Israel differently under such circumstances.”

“Obviously, the National Insurance Institute has to clean up its act and get in line with the incitement we’ve been told is going on.”