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Republican Israelites Say Tithe Obligation Punishes Achievers

“Why should I pay the same percentage as those no-good Levites who do nothing productive all day?”

coinsWilderness of Zin, March 2 – Wealthy Hebrews recently given a set of laws governing their emerging society raised objections today to the commandment that crops, livestock, and other goods be allocated for the poor and priestly classes, saying that they amount to a tax on assets that reduces or eliminates incentives to produce those assets in the first place, and to provide employment for others as a result, and can only have a negative effect on the Israelite economy.

A group of well-off tribal leaders gathered today to delineate and explain their misgivings about tithes and related obligations, including the half-shekel-per-adult-male annual levy intended to fund the daily offerings in the Tabernacle. Only a more regressive tithe regime, they contend, will genuinely promote general economic welfare, instead of forcing those who have achieved greater success through their own efforts to part with more assets than those who have achieved less.

“There is no reason for me to be punished for making wiser investment choices than other people,” asserted Dathan ben Eliav of the Reubenite tribe. “Why should I part with a full ten percent of my crop and the newborns of my flock when, by being lazy, others also lose only ten percent? It would be so much more reasonable for Israelites of means, such as I, to be obligated only in a five percent tithe, thus rewarding those who have made productivity and success a priority over laziness and lack of ambition.” The savings, he added, would mean that much more left for general societal improvement such as charitable giving, the arts, and further investment in economic initiatives that would help everyone by increasing employment.

“I’m doing a public service, basically, by being successful,” continued ben Eliav. “More assets for me means more goods and cash in circulation in the economy, which means everybody wins. An incentive-based system would be so much better than the one we’ve been given, which we believe will only promote freeloading and discourage investment and growth.”

“Why should I bother to even break a sweat when I know the underachievers and overachievers pay at the same rate?” agreed Shlumiel ben Zurishaddai of Simeon. “Nothing is going to push me to make more effort and increase my productivity – and thus boost the economy for everyone – if I pay the same percentage as those no-good Levites who do nothing productive all day.”

The group resolved to submit their grievances to Moses, who they hope will be receptive to their position. The men believe they can wrest important concessions from him, perhaps also persuading him to eliminate the requirement to release indentured servants after six years.

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