Herzog Spends Day Explaining International Women’s Day Doesn’t Refer To Him

“…just so ladylike, is what I mean,” gushed an admirer.

Tel Aviv, March 8 – Labor Party and Opposition leader Isaac Herzog was forced to devote much of Tuesday repeatedly explaining to would-be admirers that while they were correct to mark International Women’s Day, he is not part of the group that the originators of the observance intended to honor.

Herzog’s aides calculated that of the approximately eleven hours the Labor Party chief spent on public functions yesterday, the total amount of time he had to use in graciously declining the accolades reached just under six hours. He reportedly expressed exasperation at the turn of events, but was unable to avoid such recurring episodes, as Labor and Zionist Union schedules specifically included a number of International Women’s Day functions in keeping with the party’s socially liberal identity.

“This is getting tiresome,” Herzog reportedly remarked at 9:30 AM, after perhaps the eighth person had come over to congratulate him on the honor accorded him. “Is there any way to predict who’s going to be the next idiot?” he asked his bodyguards, who appeared as helpless as the politician they were protecting. The ordeal continued until late afternoon, when Herzog could escape the maddening crowds for the relative safety of party and faction meetings.

Even an announcement in the early afternoon by an assistant did not quell the individual admirers seeking to congratulate Herzog personally. He subsequently voiced regret at taking lunch in a venue accessible to the public, which permitted a dozen well-wishers to stop near his table and shake his hand.

“It’s just so appropriate an honor – I couldn’t think of a more deserving recipient, such an inspiration,” gushed Tzipporah Livni, who made an effort to greet Herzog at the first opportunity. “It’s the perfect choice: obviously not for looks, but for achievement, with humility and grace in the public eye – just so ladylike, is what I mean,” she added, clearly flustered by Herzog’s star power. She appeared not to have absorbed the Labor chief’s insistence that it was not his honor to receive.

“It’s only one day a year I have to go through with this,” remarked Herzog to an aide as the day concluded. “You think I should take steps to prevent this next time around? I have a few ideas. Maybe I could make a video recording in which I publicly and explicitly address my concerns – but with an actor voicing over my lines, somebody with an unmistakably male baritone, just to be sure.”