Human Rights Watch: Allowing Jews To Defend Selves Would Violate Haman’s Rights

“The kingdom has a lot riding on the original Kill the Jews and Take Everything They Have decree.”

Susa, Persian Empire, March 22 – The director of a prominent rights organization cautioned against allowing Grand Vizier Haman’s genocidal decree to be contradicted, saying that any impingement on the ability of Haman and his loyalists to exterminate all the Jews would constitute a flagrant violation of his rights.

Human Rights Watch Executive Director Kenneth Roth told journalists that while King Xerxes might have legitimate political reasons to address by modifying or rescinding his original decree, the overriding concern must be that of Haman’s legitimate rights to foment the massacre of all Jewish men, women, and children, and to plunder their property in the process.

“If history shows us anything, it is that rights, once revoked, are exceedingly difficult to restore,” explained Roth. “If the king rescinds the decree to destroy the Jews, he will no longer have the political capital or credibility to reinstate the rights of Persian subjects and client states have heretofore enjoyed to despoil the Jews, torture them, and ultimately kill them. This organization fears not only for Haman’s rights in this specific case, but for the rights of anyone throughout history who might wish to mete out similar treatment to a distinct minority population.”

Sources within the organization offered additional reasons to maintain the genocide decree. “The Vizier himself may have misstepped, politically, but that is not sufficient cause to undermine everything he has worked to achieve,” said Regional Director Maresena Memukhan. “The kingdom has a lot riding on the original Kill the Jews and Take Everything They Have decree, not only the rights of the population of the realm to kill, rape, and plunder. There is also the dangerous notion that men do not have absolute power in the home, an issue addressed by an earlier proclamation that we fear will suffer if the genocide is called off.”

Assistant Director Karsena Shethar added that the organization also had environmental concerns. “If things get out of hand and the Jews defeat their enemies, we will have a spate of hangings from fifty-cubit-tall gallows,” he predicted. “That will compromise the rights of the subjects of the realm to ecological integrity.”

Roth suggested a compromise by which the population would be allowed to massacre the Jewish leadership and plunder their assets, but that the poor, more downtrodden Jews would be spared so that future generations would also be able to exercise their right to genocide. “It’s a middle path that will allow the king to save face – and perhaps Queen Esther will go along with this less extreme version,” he proposed. “I have a thing or two to teach her about using her Jewishness politically.”