Trump: Uninvited Guests Will Pay For Wall To Keep Them Out Of Bris

“It’ll be an amazing wall, just the greatest wall you’ve ever seen. Huge,” he added.

New York, March 28 – Real estate magnate and Republican Party presidential hopeful Donald Trump promised family and friends today that only certain people would be allowed to attend the circumcision celebration of his newborn Jewish grandson, and that the people whose attendance is unwanted will be forced to pay for a wall to keep themselves out.

Trump’s daughter Ivanka and her husband Jared Kushner had a second child yesterday, giving the mogul and reality television star his second Jewish descendant. According to Jewish practice, a healthy boy is circumcised on the eighth day of life, meaning that Theodore James Kushner, as he has been named, will undergo the ceremony this coming Sunday. Trump, wary of disruptions of the happy but solemn occasion, vowed to keep undesirable people from gaining access to the event and to make sure that anyone refused entry would pay for the barrier that keeps them away.

“It will be a great wall,” promised Trump. “It’ll be twelve feet – no, fourteen feet high. And the would-be crashers will pay for it. You don’t get the right kind of people when you just let anybody and everybody waltz right in. So we’re going to build a wall – say, a twenty-foot wall – and just see who thinks they can get past it.”

The frontrunner for the GOP presidential nomination previously announced that if indeed his daughter has a boy, the circumcision will be “huge.” News media have lavished attention on the candidate, partially as a result of his controversial remarks and bombastic style, and the increased focus threatens to transform what is normally an intimate affair with close family and friends into a media circus. Trump told reporters not to even try entering the hall, or synagogue, or “wherever we decide to have this bris.”

“If any of you so much as think about coming in uninvited, we’re going to bill you for the construction of a fifty-foot-high wall to keep you out,” he tweeted. “You can bring a ladder, but once you get up, how are you going to get down? It’s just too high. OK, maybe a rope. But you’re going to pay for it, you freeloaders.”

“It’ll be an amazing wall, just the greatest wall you’ve ever seen. Huge,” he added. “It’ll cost four billion dollars, tops. Maybe six or eight billion. You know, it’ll cost maybe twelve billion dollars. the unwanted guests will pay for it. They’ll have to. I’ll sit them down and tell them face-to-face, in no uncertain terms that they’re going to to have to shell out the twenty-six billion dollars to pay for this wall.”