I Hope That Red Sea Incident Doesn’t Raise My Chariot Insurance Premiums

By Thutmose III, Ruler of Egypt

We all have accidents on the roads, even the best drivers. Sometimes circumstances are simply beyond a driver’s control. Given that fact, I’m relying on the insurance company writing off the loss of my chariot fleet at the Sea of Reeds as an Act of God and deciding not to charge a heftier premium next time around.

For one thing, it was undeniably an act of God, though not necessarily the way the term is used in insurance. I can, however, check the appropriate box on the claim form, secure in the knowledge that I’m telling the unvarnished truth. I don’t have to include the part about driving the fleet into the sea in the first place – that would only complicate matters. There isn’t really room on the form to go into detail about the cloud, the pillar of fire, the east wind, the dry land that suddenly appeared. I should just keep it simple. No headaches for me or them that way.

Besides, this kingdom can’t afford a premium increase right now. Our economy is in the toilet after a series of calamities, and the treasury is basically empty. I have to rehabilitate the country’s agriculture, livestock, public health, infrastructure, you name it. I can’t have the bean-counters at Mutual of Memphis tell me I need to shell out more money up front.

I know they’re also reeling from covering those calamities, too, so they’re in a tight spot as well, but they can’t just soak me, the little guy, to cover those expenses. The risks are inherent to the industry, and they accepted those risks when they granted the policies on the livestock that got decimated, not to mention all those life insurance policies they had to pay out when the firstborn sons died en masse. I appreciate their difficult position, but it comes with the territory. I can take my business elsewhere, but I’ve been a loyal customer for years, and would hate to say goodbye. Both parties know that Blue Pyramid has been trying to poach me from Memphis for a long time. If they offer me a better deal on the new chariot fleet once I put that group together, I might just bolt. Desperate times, etc.

I just hope they don’t look too hard for eyewitnesses to the Sea of Reeds debacle. As far as I know I was the only Egyptian survivor, but who knows what an Israelite might say, and what effect that would have on my rates? Better take some precautions.

Page! Get me the ambassador of Amalek…