Report: Sex, Personal Hygiene A Jewish Mind-Control Plot

Refraining from hygiene, as it turns out, also contributes to a reduced likelihood of sex.

Atlanta, May 19 – A new study by the Centers for Disease Control suggests that people only engage in sex and personal hygiene practices when under the control or influence of Jewish puppetmasters.

Researchers at the Public Health and Policy Division have discovered strong evidence that under normal circumstances, humans do not pursue sexual encounters or keep their bodies clean or groomed. However, when placed under the impact of various mind-control methods long associated with Jews, people are eight hundred times more likely to engage in those activities, or attempt to do so. The study will be published in next month’s issue of the journal Health Education Research for Medical and Interpersonal Theaters (HERMIT).

Scientists examined societal trends before and after the arrival of Jews onto the historical scene, and noticed that as Jewish influence on civilization increased, so did hygienic practices and population – with population increases a known by-product of sexual activity. Taken together that long-ignored correlation raised a number of eyebrows at the CDC, said lead study author Dr. David Duke.

“I’ve already stopped showering,” he said, “at least until the data are confirmed or disproved. And most of my team here at the CDC has sworn off flossing, brushing teeth, and romance of any sort. It’s the prudent thing to do, given what we seem to know so far about pernicious Jewish influence.”

Duke identified three principal avenues through which the Jews induce the population to want to have sex and to keep themselves clean. “The first method, obviously, involves media and entertainment,” he explained. “Sex and hygiene are portrayed as desirable activities, and celebrities are seen engaging in them. The second involves legislation, through lobbyists and lawmakers that the Jews control, to mandate certain hygienic practices and to normalize certain sexual expectations. The third is more subtle, and researchers are at odds over the direct mind-control techniques the Jews use: mind control rays, fluoride in the drinking water, chemtrails, whatever. But any way you slice it, the Jews want people having sex and attending to hygiene – so those must be very bad things if the population is to prevent its enslavement.”

Duke suggested several ideas for avoiding sex. “We have found sex is less likely when a person explicitly discusses sex as a Jewish plot,” he noted. “That may be because of the chilling effect the message has on the hormones, thus making physical consummation of the relationship less likely. It’s also possible that the Jews are afraid to try controlling people who are onto them, so declaring loud and clear that sex is a Jewish plot is an effective way to prevent sex. Refraining from hygiene, as it turns out, also contributed to a reduced likelihood of sex, so we recommend an integrated approach, including avoidance of basic body functions as long as possible. No sex and as little urination as possible, because the Jews have got you coming and going.”