Arab Joint List In Josiah’s Time Can’t Find Constituency

“If the government can plausibly claim there are no Arabs here, they have a convenient pretext to exclude Arabs from all the workings of government.”

Jerusalem, August 23 – Legislators from the Joint List political alliance of Arab parties in the Knesset during the reign of King Josiah have encountered acute electoral troubles stemming primarily from their inability to locate any potential voters.

The thirteen members of the Balad, Raam-Taal, United Arab List, and Hadash parties are in the midst of preparing for potential new parliamentary elections, but report that they cannot find even one Arab at whom to target their campaign. As a result, the lawmakers fear their demographic’s representation will disappear, which they say would constitute a fatal blow to democracy.

“In some cases we can’t even find the cities or towns we’re looking for,” lamented Basel Ghattas of Balad. “Umm el-Fahm is supposed to be up north, but we can’t get there, and no one seems to know where it is or what we’re talking about. We haven’t encountered a single Arabic-speaker anywhere – not even among the dark-skinned Jews who are all over the place. Where did they come from, anyway?”

Joint List Chairman Ayman Odeh suggested a conspiracy was afoot to deprive the Arabs in the land of representation. “If the government can plausibly claim there are no Arabs here, they have a convenient pretext to exclude Arabs from all the workings of government,” explained. “It could be just the excuse the extremists are looking for to make this an exclusively Jewish state. What will happen to our constituency? If we can find them, I mean.”

Among the problems facing the Joint List MKs in their search is that they are overwhelmed by the sheer number of places they expected to be populated by Arabs but instead only have Jews. “Hebron isn’t supposed to be Jewish,” stated a confused Ahmad Tibi of Raam-Taal. “There are supposed to be a few hundred radical Jewish settlers in an enclave in the Cave of the Patriarchs – excuse me, the Ibrahimi Mosque – surrounded by tens of thousands of Palestinian Arabs. But there are no Arabs there at all as far as I can tell. There’s not even a mosque. Just Jews as far as the eye can see. It’s terrifying.”

“The only explanation for this is wholesale ethnic cleansing,” asserted Hannen Zoabi of Balad. “There are no Arabs where there are Jews, and that has always been enough evidence for the international community to find the Jews guilty.” Zoabi then proposed an international commission headed by Babylonian Emperor Nebuchadnezzar to wrest control of the land from the Jews.

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