You May Have A Play Date When You Finish Assembling That Bomb

By Rania Massoul, Palestinian mother of 6

Waleed, you know the rules: all chores and homework must be finished before you are allowed to play with your friends, no matter how far in advance you arranged this play date. You get cracking on that bomb, and if you finish it in time, you may go to your friend’s house. That’s the rule. No exceptions.

I will accept no excuses, buster. This has always been the rule in our home, and it is unlikely to change. You might be planning to build the same bombs with your friends later, but the ones you’ve been assigned to make here and now are the ones you will make here and now. As long as you are a member of this household, you will abide by its rules. Make those bombs.

Look at your brothers. Both of them followed the rules assiduously. Muhammad used to make extra bombs and Molotov cocktails, in fact, and even used time he could have been with friends to plan and practice stabbing Jews. If he hadn’t been shot trying to run over a Zionist soldier two years ago, he could show you what it means to have the right priorities.

And Jihad could also tell you, if he could talk anymore. Before his Molotov cocktail exploded prematurely and destroyed his mouth and vocal cords, he was able to impress upon you the importance of completing your work before engaging in leisure activity. You have such admirable role models, it would be a shame for you not to follow in their footsteps.

Your father has already brought honor – not to mention a lifetime pension – to our family by dying in an attempt to stab Jews. The monthly stipend we get from the Palestinian Authority guarantees us a respectable standard of living – so believe you me, we don’t need you to build these bombs out of some financial need. It’s about Palestinian honor, yes, and resistance, of course, but I want to focus on what your family expects of you. You have to do your chores, and those chores include taking out the trash, putting away laundry, clearing the yard, and producing a certain number of bombs each week. You hold up your end of things, young man. I will not raise a slacker.

You have six more bombs to finish before you may go on that play date. Get cracking, mister.