Israeli Democracy Dead For 456,798,746th Time

The corpse of Israeli democracy had hardly grown cold since the last time Bibi ordered its killing.

Jerusalem, September 12 – Experts pronounced the demise of Israeli democracy this week for the 456,798,746th time, a development they directly attribute to the antidemocratic policies of Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu and his coalition of right-wing parties.

Israeli democracy was pronounced dead yesterday once again at the Knesset, the same site as many of the other instances of the ideal’s passing. Pundits and Opposition lawmakers made the pronouncement after the legislature, in which Netanyahu’s coalition holds a majority, defeated a measure by Opposition MKs that would have removed certain transparency requirements for funding of election-related activities. The bill, which was voted down 55-39 with three abstentions, was touted as a way for minority parties such as the four composing the Joint List to facilitate the transportation of their constituents to polling places without having to disclose that funding for the transportation came from the Palestinian Authority.

“Democracy is dead,” declared Dr. Ahmad Tibi of the Raam-Taal Party, a member of the Joint List. “The dictatorial regime of Netanyahu and his cronies has squashed the life out of it, and we no longer have any hope of ensuring that each citizen has a voice.” His declaration deviated only slightly from the same death notice for Israeli democracy that he delivered on the previous three hundred million occasions.

Meretz Chairwoman Zehava Gal-On delivered an impassioned eulogy, accusing Netanyahu and company of murder, and asserted that the corpse of Israeli democracy had hardly grown cold since the last time Bibi ordered its killing by adhering to Coalition agreements that favored the interests of Coalition members over those of Opposition members.

“Might as well say Kaddish for democracy in this country,” intoned an exasperated Gal-On for the ten thousandth time in the last four months (some sources cite a figure of one hundred ten thousand). “When will people understand that only the Left can safeguard democracy by silencing critics on the Right and pursuing policies directly at odds with the express will of the electorate?”

Labor Party leader Isaac Herzog gave a more circumspect treatment of Israeli democracy’s 456,798,746th death. “If indeed this means the end of Israeli democracy, that is a horrific crime for which Bibi will have to answer at elections, which look like they’re three years away,” he offered. “I, for one, am withholding judgment on whether or not democracy is dead, because there is still a possibility of Labor joining the Coalition, so of course it makes no sense for me to take an unequivocal stance on whether democracy is dead or not.”