IDF To Cut Food Expenses By Cooking Palestinian Children

If adopted throughout the IDF, the program is expected to save up to 1.5 billion shekels annually.

Tel Nof Air Base, October 5 – Efforts to bring defense spending under control have sparked an initiative across all branches of the Israel Defense Forces to replace up to half the meat used in army, navy, and air force kitchens with the flesh of Palestinian children already in Israeli possession after their organs have been harvested for sale and their blood has been drained for use in Passover matza.

A Ministry of Defense committee advising the IDF on various efficiency possibilities recommended immediate implementation of the program, which has been running as a pilot at this air base, the Haifa naval facility, and the kitchens of two infantry bases. The committee noted that the troops had detected no change in the quality of the cuisine.

If adopted throughout the IDF, the program is expected to save up to 1.5 billion shekels annually. A ministry spokesman noted that instead of paying for the discreet disposal of tens of thousands of bodies, the ministry would commission the use of an industrial facility to process the leftover pieces, then work them into the supply chain for military kitchens.

“Even with the cost associated with the transport and processing, the army will save money overall, since it will no longer have to purchase the same large quantities of beef, chicken, and turkey as before,” explained Yehuda Loewe. “The children’s bodies are a by-product of other IDF activities, so ongoing procurement expenses here will be minimal. The only serious expense is the capital investment to get the necessary facilities up and running.” Loewe estimated full implementation of the measure by June of next year.

One potential difficulty involves the insistence of many soldiers on kosher food, but Loewe detailed a possible accommodation for those personnel. “We can continue to provide prepackaged meals using the old system for the religiously observant,” he offered.

The ministry decided on the pilot program after previous disposal methods for Palestinian children’s bodies proved less cost-effective than previously assumed. IDF senior commanders in charge of logistics predicted at least a fifty-year supply of meat. “Palestinian fertility statistics give us little reason for worry,” pronounced Deputy Chief of Staff Yair Golan. “Those statistics are the official numbers provided by the PLO, UNRWA, and the Palestinian Authority, and they assure the world there are untold millions of Palestinians in the West Bank and Gaza, and they have no reason to fudge the numbers, right? This program is in line with that.”