UNESCO Infuriates Palestinians By Calling Genocidal Ambitions ‘Syrian’

“We basically invented airplane hijacking as a political tool, but to hear UNESCO tell it, that was just a bunch of Syrians.”

Paris, October 13 – On the heels of celebrating a decision by the United Nations Educational, Social, and Cultural Council (UNESCO) that ignored the ancient Jewish pedigree of the Temple Mount and its environs and accused Israel of impinging on the Muslim character of the site, Palestinians expressed outrage and shock at the body’s next move, which ignored Palestinian ambitions to wipe the land clean of Jews, and instead described genocidal policies as authentically and exclusively Syrian.

Palestinian officials and representatives went in a heartbeat from hailing UNESCO this afternoon to denouncing it, and called on the the Council’s secretariat to overturn the genocide decision as a distortion of culture, history, and national identity. Even more galling, they charged, was the implication that even the Palestinian desire to push the Jews of the Holy Land into the sea constitutes but a subset of a larger Syrian practice of wiping out distinct groups, as if Palestinians have not been working for decades to shed their identity as merely Southern Syrians.

“It’s embarrassing enough to be told time and again that the term ‘Palestinian’ never referred on its own to Arabs until the 1960’s – it meant ‘Jew,'” explained veteran Palestinian diplomat Aiwil Qildejous. “In one fell swoop, UNESCO erased years and years of public relations, diplomacy, political pressure, propaganda, and millions of man-hours of hard work to create the deception that there was such a thing as a distinct Arab Palestinian people before Israel came onto the scene. How dare the Council make such light of Palestinian genocidal desires, and the policies that reflect those desires, as if we are once again just Syrians!”

“I’d threaten to harm the Council and its members if the secretariat does not cooperate with these demands,” continue Qildejous, “but they would probably interpret that as derivative of Daesh or something, instead of an authentic Palestinian tactic. I mean, we basically invented airplane hijacking as a political tool, but to hear UNESCO tell it, that was just a bunch of Syrians. What the hell?”

Other Palestinian officials, while denouncing the decision, made sure not to imply that Syrian leader Basher Assad does not pursue genocidal policies. “It’s not our exclusive province, we know that,” stressed Palestinian Minister of Pushing the Jews into the Sea Mustafa Massikr. “But we must be given our due as people who aspire to genocide as much as any other people who have opposed Jewish existence, let alone sovereignty. It’s practically our birthright.”

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