World Health Organization Calls Clouds Of Glory A Pollution Hazard

Israelite leaders accused the organization of bias.

Wilderness of Zin, October 20 – In the midst of the Sukkot festival celebrating the divine protection manifest in the Clouds of Glory that surround the Israelites in their journey from servitude in Egypt to sovereignty in the Promised Land, at least one international body has expressed misgivings at the implications of those clouds for air quality in the region and the long-term effects of the phenomenon.

The World Health Organization issued a statement today warning that the various clouds accompanying the Israelites in their odyssey through the wilderness carry dangerous risks to the respiratory health of anyone in proximity to them, and that the Israelites would do well to minimize whatever activities were contributing to the presence of those clouds. Israelite leaders accused the organization of bias, saying no such criticism had ever been leveled at other contemporary peoples, such as the Babylonians, who notoriously embarked on the largest urbanization and construction project in history, with disastrous implications for the environment.

Deputy Director of the WHO Dr. Ama Lek informed reporters at a press conference today that the clouds, which surround and protect the Israelites from attack and the elements, may contain harmful particulate matter that adversely affects bronchial health. “We urge the Israelites to change their policies to reduce or eliminate the cloud, which may already be causing cancer,” she declared.

While the mainstream leadership of the twelve Israelite tribes opposes any such changes, citing the survival and prosperity of the people, a number of dissenters have occasionally undertaken endeavors to cause the Clouds of Glory to dissipate. Their absence was noted at the time the people danced about the Golden Calf, as well as in the immediate aftermath of an espionage mission to Canaan. In another case, a rebellion that resulted in the Earth swallowing its ringleaders also caused the clouds to disappear temporarily, and later, they similarly vanished upon the death of Aaron the High Priest, albeit briefly. Dr. Lek asserted that the efforts of those maverick Israelites should be encouraged.

“The world needs more of these brave souls willing to defy popular opinion and just act, and it is our responsibility to support these heroic rebels in that regard,” she argued. “The permanent disappearance of those clouds is of strategic interest to the peoples of the region – and, I would argue, of human society itself. The persistence of these protect- I mean, these dangerous, polluting clouds can only spell doom for any thinking person.”