Guy Also Named ‘Lot’ Tired Of Redirecting Lynch Mob To Other Lot’s House

“Why these people can’t keep their information straight, I don’t know, but I’m about ready to burn down the whole city just to get some rest at this point.”

Sodom, April 15 – A man who shares a name with a suddenly unpopular co-resident of this city has grown annoyed with the constant need to send would-be rioters to the home of the other man.

Lot, a homeowner in this Jordan Valley city-state, began hearing reports in the early evening that the other Lot had brought unauthorized visitors into his home, an act that violated Sodomite protocol. Enraged residents eventually descended on the home of the offending Lot, but many such demonstrators misunderstood the reports and instead assembled in front of the home of the uninvolved Lot. At first the latter managed to show patience in explaining to the angry mob that they had gathered at the wrong address, but as the evening wore on he grew more and more impatient with the stream of misdirected hooligans.

“It’s been two hours and it’s past my bedtime, goddamn it,” grumbled Lot. “Why these people can’t keep their information straight, I don’t know, but I’m about ready to burn down the whole city just to get some rest at this point.” He added that he had planned to take a quiet walk through the streets in the wee hours, but now, not only would he be insufficiently rested to gain pleasure from that activity, but the ongoing riot was likely to leave detritus and unsightly remains in its wake, rendering the outing an ordeal.

“I’ve been thinking what the hell I can do to keep these people away, but nothing seems to work,” he continued. “I even offered them my two daughters in exchange for some basic peace and quiet, but they’re not interested. I mean, I could say something negative about what that means for their sexual orientation, but this is neither the time nor the place. Right now I’m super frustrated.”

Lot wondered aloud what the big deal was with what the other Lot was accused of doing, anyway. “I’m as antagonistic to outsiders as the next guy, but you have to keep a sense of proportion about this,” he argued. “Sure, we tend to torture our guests to discourage encounters with the new, outside ideas they represent, but can’t that wait until the morning? There’s really no need to get all worked up about it the moment a couple of strangers show up.”

“Besides,” he concluded, “that other Lot’s daughters are a couple of hot numbers. Would be a shame to let anything happen to them. I’m actually surprised they haven’t been part of anything inappropriate yet, if you know what I mean.”

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