No Birthright Unless You Include Bread With My Order Of Lentils, Jacob

By Esau

Look at me, Jacob. I’m famished. You’ve got a whole pot of lentil stew there that you don’t really need. I’ve got my pride, though, so I’m not going to accept unrequited kindness from you. That’s not how I roll. Your proposal to trade the lentils for the birthright is fine with me – but only if you include some bread with the serving of stew.

I can be reasonable. I hardly think it exorbitant to demand some starch to go along with the legumes. You’ve got plenty of both, and I’m giving you extra rights in our father’s eventual estate. Besides, what good will the firstborn status do me, anyway? It’s all responsibility and no substantial benefit. You can have it – but not before I extract a decent price from you. Lentils and bread will do.

You drive a hard bargain, Jacob, and I know you’re always angling for a foothold in the fruits of my labors. You’re happy to spend most of your time indoors, but that’s your choice – you don’t get to reap the benefits of my hunting prowess without recompense. I know I have to watch out for your wiliness. But this deal seems legit. And you’ve got me by the short ones – we both know it. I need those lentils more than you need my birthright. I got myself into this mess, running around and exhausting myself, and I own that. But I’ll still insist on salvaging some dignity, so this lentil stew better come with bread.

It doesn’t even have to be white bread. I’m OK with the coarser stuff. Really, I don’t care – I’m dying here. I’m not following the Atkins diet, and even if I were, it’s not a firm ideological position I can’t compromise on if there’s nothing else to eat. So let me pour that reddish stuff down my throat, bro.

You stop with that “red-lentil-face-boy” nonsense this instant or I’m telling Dad! Oh, man, I’m not going to hear the end of this, am I? Going to be known as “Red” from now on, I guess. Yeah, well, I suppose I could have phrased m request better. Besides, the moniker suits me. I might keep it. So there.

But back to business. Hand over the lentils, Jacob, and whatever bread comes with them. You’ve got yourself a deal.

I’m warning you, though, any attempt to weasel other things from me and you’ll be running from me for the rest of your life.

Please support our work through Patreon.