I Was Actually Quite Flattered By The Jews-Apes-Pigs Thing

By Harambe

I’m no religion or culture expert. I’m a gorilla. But there’s still a part of me that swells with pride when Muslims call Jews “the children of apes and pigs.” They chose my taxonomic order to associate with the Jews. That’s some heady stuff right there.

Of course I can’t speak for pigs – or other apes, for that matter – or at all, no matter what those fraudsters managing Koko would have you believe. Others may have a very different take on the whole phenomenon. Personally, though, I couldn’t be more flattered. Those Jews are something else. And Muslims didn’t choose the snake, the lizard, the rat, the elephant, or the wombat – they chose apes. We’re in exalted company. Thanks, Muslims!

Loonies out there will of course accuse me of siding with the enemy – just look at the wack job “theories” contending it was the Mossad, or the Jews in general, who had me shot. There will always be crazies. From a sober look at it all, my only conclusion can be that you’d be hard pressed to find a group you’d like to have compared to you more than the Jews. You’d have to be, well, bananas to think otherwise.

Yes, there are bad Jews, just as there are bad people in any nationality. But you can’t go defining the whole group based on the characteristics of a few. I don’t condemn the entire human race just because some confirmation-bias-prone jerks interpret random moves by a certain well-known female gorilla as bona fide sign language. Most humans are good. yes, even the one who shot me. I’d do the same for a gorilla baby caught in the enclosure of a creature with possibly deadly consequences for the member of my species. Of course I never learned to use a gun, but I would. But I digress.

My point is, I’m glad to be forever linked with the Jews in Islamic culture and lore. Perhaps they meant it as an insult to Jews, but the noble ape, in my humble opinion, is a step up from humanity, so there’s no need for anyone to feel offended. You don’t find apes burning down embassies or rioting because someone drew King Kong in a cartoon. We don’t go hijacking airplanes and crashing them into skyscrapers because the people in those buildings have different values from ours.

We just chill. And so should you. Maybe view the Jews as a positive force in history and culture. Give it a shot.

OK, poor choice of words.

Please support our work through Patreon.