Herzog’s Wife Tired Of Replacing His Underwear Torn By Wedgies

Not even a switch to boxers prevented the phenomenon from worsening, the sources indicate.

Credit: Almahn2345 via Wikimedia Commons

Tel Aviv, April 2 – Michal Herzog has grown weary of mending and replacing the briefs her husband gets destroyed when subjected to his daily humiliation of wedgies in the Knesset, a source close to the Herzog household disclosed today.

Opposition Leader Isaac Herzog, also known by his nickname Buji, returns home each day in tears, report neighbors, complaining to his wife that everyone bullies him, no one likes him, he feels worthless, can’t accomplish anything, and faces constant physical and verbal abuse in the form of hazing rituals such as wedgies, swirlies, noogies, and Indian burns. The wedgies have become so forceful, they relate, that the waistband of Herzog’s underwear often gets separated from the remainder of the garment, rendering it unusable.

Not even a switch to boxers prevented the phenomenon from worsening, the sources indicate. “All it meant was the bullies administering the wedgies to Buji pulled harder, hurt his backside more, subjected him to further verbal and physical abuse, and worked harder than before to achieve the same result,” explained a neighbor who declined to be identified, lest she be tainted by association with the loser.

For a time, the Herzogs even experimented with Lycra undergarments, but Buji complained of chafing and sweating, which led to rashes – a double inconvenience, since the Opposition leader’s nighttime bedwetting already pose a challenge in that area. The problems led to Herzog considering going to work without underwear, but the couple realized that would make problems worse if bladder control continued to elude him several times a month when work-related stress levels rise.

Wedgies are hardly the only violations of Herzog’s dignity, given that he leads the Labor Party. Beyond walking around most of the day with his underwear waistband detached and an uncomfortable gait, he must contend with serving as the face of an organization that squandered unprecedented heights of political influence for the sake of giving legitimacy, funding, weapons, and territory to a group sworn to the destruction of Israel.

To make matters worse, Herzog’s demeanor and inability to broadcast confidence – exemplified by his on-again, off-again secret negotiations to form a national unity government with Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu – have invited other forms of bullying. At least twice a week the Labor Party and Zionist Union head comes home from work with his hair still wet from swirlies administered by members of Yesh Atid and HaTnuah, the only MKs more insecure in their vision and positions than he.

Please support our work through Patreon.