God’s Manna Supervision Not Good Enough For Man Who Only Eats BaDaTz

The manna was not delivered in a sealed package bearing the stamp and logo of the Badatz.

Wilderness of Sinn, May 18 – An Israelite adhering to stringent requirements for food to be permissible under Hebrew dietary law has refused to partake of the miraculous edible substance provided directly by the Almighty unless it bears certification by the Beis Din Tzedek – Eidah Charedis (Badatz) organization.

Shraga Feivel Morgenstern, 40, has yet to gather any of the manna that appears each morning around the Israelite camp, and has not dispatched any of his family members to do so. The father of eleven from the tribe of Simeon explained that because the manna was not delivered in a sealed package bearing the stamp and logo of the Badatz, he would not allow his family to consume it, or to bring it into their home.

Morgenstern made the remarks as neighbors brought pots full of the foodstuff into their tents and marveled at its origins. Several days ago, Israelite prophet and leader Moses elaborated on the divine provenance and purpose of the manna, and admonished them not to take too much or to leave any over till the next day.

“I don’t care if God Himself supervises this stuff – I’m not eating it unless it’s Badatz,” Morgenstern insisted. “You just never know who’s handled it or what might be in it unless a mashgiach has had his eye on it the whole time,” he added, using the term for a kashrut supervisor.

The manna’s miraculous properties include the appearance of worms if left till the next morning, a fact that Morgenstern argues militates against blind acceptance of the manna’s kosher status. “Who says there are no bugs or other creepy-crawlies in it?” he contended. “We know the worms are in there at some point, so it has to be checked before you eat it. It’s already established as something that’s subject to such infestation, so every bit of it has to be sifted to get the little forbidden creatures out. I’m not risking that kind of transgression.”

“You can’t just rely on God to make sure everything is hunky-dory,” he continued. “Sure, He’s capable of doing anything, including providing Badataz-level kosher food, but the principle is that you don’t rely on miracles.”

The Morgenstern family reported that instead of the manna, they have been subsisting on the daily overflights of quail, the slaughter and preparation of which they can oversee directly to ensure compliance with the intricate killing, butchering, washing, and salting requirements, in addition to the stringency of removing the birds’ sciatic nerves, even though God only requires that in mammals. They also voiced reservations over God’s announced intention to take the people to the Land of Canaan, an act that carries heretical Zionist implications.

Please support our work through Patreon.