Israel To Bring Down Ayatollahs By Putting Them On Public Housing Waiting List

Soon enough, the Ayatollahs will lose all hope of getting help from the people who are supposed to help them, and they’ll decide to end it all.

Credit: מיכאל

Tel Aviv, May 22 – Israeli leaders have hit upon what they believe will prove a winning strategy in combating the existential threat from Iran, in a new plan to place the Islamic Republic’s ruling clerics on the roster of those eligible for free government housing, many of whom sink into despair and powerlessness.

Minister of Housing Yoav Galant, a former IDF general, mentioned the idea in an interview yesterday among several possible angles to the Iran dilemma. The plan calls for Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei, newly-reelected President Hassan Rouhani, and several dozen other senior regime officials to be placed, with their families, on the list of candidates for his ministry’s public housing, and assigned low priority. Inevitably, he explained, they will see newer candidates granted government housing before them, and receive regular reassurance that their turn will come, as they slide deeper and deeper into impotence and hopelessness.

“I see suicide as a possible outcome,” predicted Galant. “It might not be today, or tomorrow, but in the Middle East you have to play the long game. Soon enough, the Ayatollahs will lose all hope of getting help from the people who are supposed to help them, and they’ll decide to end it all.”

Galant acknowledged that the approach carries important risks, which is why it has not received final approval. “If it takes too long for the right people to succumb to melancholy, and Iran succeeds is developing a nuclear weapon by that time, they might decide to take the whole region with them,” he warned. “That applies mostly to Khamenei, or whoever comes after him. But doing nothing carries even bigger risks.”

If the despair kicks in in time, according to analysts, then any public demonstration of despair will likely take the form of self-immolation. “That’s what people who really wanted to make an impact resort to when these circumstances arise,” recalled Stav Shaffir, who has studied the roots of economic and social despair. “I can even see it becoming a mass social movement, but then, when those things happen in Iran, the authorities start shooting, people die, and nothing changes.”

“But that was with Obama in office,” she continued. “Things might be different with an American president who doesn’t give the whole damn farm to the Ayatollahs to keep them from walking away from a deal that legalized their nuclear weapons program in the end anyway.”

“Hell, put Putin and Assad on the list while you’re at it,” she added.

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