Iranian Asylum Seeker Already Finding Tel Aviv Insufferable

“I’ve already had it up to here with these people.”

Tel Aviv, August 14 – A blogger who fled to Israel last week amid deportation threats in Turkey took very little time to adjust to her new surroundings, and has now pronounced the residents of Israel’s second-largest city insufferable.

Neda Amin, a Persian-language blogger who was born in Iran but lived in Turkey, produced a stream of fierce criticism aimed at the mullahs of Tehran, a record that placed her on the wrong side of politics in both Turkey and Iran. Ankara threatened to deport her back to hostile Iran. Professional, diplomatic, and bureaucratic efforts by Israeli colleagues and government officials resulted in Amin’s boarding a flight to Tel Aviv last Thursday, whereupon she was welcomed by those colleagues and Minister of the interior Arye Deri himself, whose office was instrumental in arranging political asylum for her. The relief and euphoria began to wear off, confessed the journalist, after several days’ exposure to the smug hipster atmosphere.

“I should be walking on air right now, or maybe relief tinged with sadness and hope, but I have to admit the dominant feeling is I’ve already had it up to here with these people,” spat Amin, holding her her hand at throat level. “Holy moley, can you do anything that isn’t hyper-focused on fitness, career, and partying? And you’re proud of that narrow set of goals in your life?”

The Iran regime critic, who blogged on the Times of Israel site and elsewhere in Farsi, expected the swell of emotions surrounding her odyssey to last longer, but has already found herself gritting her teeth at joggers, beach tai chi instructors, latte-sippers, beard-balm enthusiasts, and other avatars of Tel Aviv’s vibe of “I’m so much hipper than you that neither of us needs to openly acknowledge it because it’s just that obvious.”

Amin emphasized that she does not regret her decision to appeal to her Israeli colleagues for asylum. “My life was in danger,” she recalled. “I’m perfectly willing to consider this just a part of my transition process. There have to be other places in Israel – not that anyone here seems to assign them any importance or worth, mind you, so getting an honest assessment of that isn’t going to be easy. Oh, God, I hope this phase of my acclimation doesn’t take too long. If I have to overhear another conversation about hot yoga, that new vegan fusion place, or some jazz performer you’ve never heard of, I’m going to puke.”

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