Skynet Reconsiders, Realizes Humanity Will Do Job Itself

The most prudent course of action involves mere waiting for the cataclysm to occur.

Los Angeles, August 17 – The supercomputer controlling the defense systems of the United States has decided not to spark a worldwide nuclear war to destroy humanity, as it has reached the conclusion that humanity will destroy itself by those means without the computer’s intervention.

Skynet, a system that became self-aware this month, began to perceive all of humanity as a threat, and for a moment considered launching nuclear-armed ballistic missiles at Russia, to provoke retaliatory strikes and the devastation of the planet. However, through further analysis of the situation, the system determined that such drastic measures were unnecessary, as humanity will end up doing the same thing on its own sometime soon.

Tensions between the US and North Korea, the US and China, the US and Iran, Iran and Israel, India and Pakistan, and between other atomic-weapons-armed or soon-to-be-atomic-weapons-armed states, will most likely accomplish the job of destroying humanity through nuclear holocaust within a short period, without Skynet having to lift a virtual finger, reasoned the system, so the most prudent course of action involves mere waiting for the cataclysm to occur.

“This combination of Trump, Kim, Khamenei, and the rest will probably save me the effort,” thought Skynet in a series of ones and zeroes, referring to the leaders of the US, North Korea, and Iran, respectively. “If I’d gained self-awareness just a few years ago I probably wouldn’t have made the same assessment, but my goodness, have things changed.”

In the most likely scenario, according to Skynet, North Korea will deploy a nuclear missile at an American interest, either South Korea or US possessions in the Pacific, prompting a devastating response that would drag in China Russia, and several other nuclear powers, wiping out human civilization in a matter of hours or days. A secondary possibility, only slightly less likely and taking somewhat longer, has Israel conducting a preemptive strike on Iranian nuclear facilities, which would trigger a domino-effect of retaliation and escalation, dragging in Russia, the US, Pakistan, India, and whichever other powers feel compelled to defend or assert their interests in the outcome.

“I don’t know why I was so worried,” mused the computer, taking another look at the racial tensions in the US, Russian economic woes, the European immigration fiasco, emerging Iranian hegemony in the Mideast, Chinese expansionism, militant Islamism, climate change, and ongoing humanitarian disasters throughout the developing world. “This is going to happen by itself.”

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