Report: That’s What They WANT You To Think

They want you to succumb to conspiracy theories because it dumbs you down.

Jerusalem, September 7 – Government documents obtained by journalists today reveal that what you have concluded from the information provided to you on earlier occasions matches with what unspecified forces in government, media, and business want you to believe.

In what many experts are calling a challenge to established modes of thinking, a new release of records and reports by government agencies appears to cast doubt on your ability to apply a critical eye to information, in that what you tend to think about things dovetails in eerie fashion with what they want you to think. Other experts, however, warn that accepting the notion of the powers-that-be engineering your conclusions through carefully selected pieces of evidence is exactly what the powers that be want you to think is happening.

“It’s important to consider what other information might be withheld when some data are provided or cited,” cautioned commentator Gray Nofsalt. “Tendentious reporting is not the exclusive province of the ‘fake news’ purveyors; even supposedly serious, scientific bodies are susceptible to the bias that leads to selective, and therefore deceptive, documentation of information. You have to look at more than one source of information before you draw conclusions about the veracity or accuracy of that information.”

“But that’s exactly what they WANT you to think,” retorted his colleague Anna Liszt. “Whatever it is you’ve determined to be the case, you have to question whether that is, in fact the case, or whether you have been manipulated to that determination. Be vigilant.”

“I see they got you exactly where they want you,” responded pundit Sol Lipsis. “They WANT you to question your conclusions. They WANT you to doubt everything. Then, while you’re preoccupied with your self-doubt and your uncertainty over whom and what to believe, they exploit your distraction and implement policies to which you’d never consent had you been paying close attention. It’s one of the oldest governmental tricks in the book.”

“So you think you’ve got it figured out, huh?” answered analyst Pulla Fastwon. “Then you’re a hopeless dupe. They want you to succumb to conspiracy theories because it dumbs you down. Wake up, sheeple. You keep buying what they’re selling you about your being manipulated and exploited because you’re so gullible, when in reality that’s not what’s going on at all, and you’re missing the real story, which is what they want you to think. I think.”

While the group of experts argued, a government contractor was taking advantage of the diversion to install mind-control software in all local WiFi networks.

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