Gandhi Was A Wimp

By Mustafa Massikr, Hamas activist

I love it. I get to kill women and children in their beds, and the world supports me!

For me, it’s never been about freedom for Palestine. Those little kids don’t know a thing about it. I do it for the sheer joy of stabbing them, of slashing their little throats. The fact that the world at large turns around and says nothing – or better yet, blames Israel – is just icing on the cake.

On second thought, I’m kinda grateful for the world’s response, or lack thereof. If they actually cared about human life they’d have stopped me and my friends long ago. But since they really don’t give a damn about life, or at least about Jews, I can get away with murder. And when’s the last time you heard that expression meant literally? The whole silence thing, to me, is an endorsement of my hobby. That encourages me to no end.

The really cool thing is that if any Jew were to do the same thing to Arabs, almost anywhere in the world, the UN would immediately issue some bombastic pronouncement against Israel. Those Zionists’ hands are tied! They actually have some scruples, so I have the advantage! They sweat over what the UN will do and other such nonsense, whereas I just do whatever the hell I want, because the UN never cared in the first place. The international community is on my side!

I am especially tickled when people talk about putting an end to the “cycle of violence”. There’s no cycle – I like to kill Jews and that’s the bottom line – but hey, keep talking about it, because it generates enough distraction that we can plan our next attack in peace. I smile every time our “leadership” denounces violence as counterproductive. At least they haven’t gone over to the dark side, arguing that killing is somehow immoral. Let the Zionists and the West worry about morals. The more they agonize, the easier I can plan my next settlement infiltration, stabbing attack, vehicular homicide, or bus bombing.

I have heard people claim that the world is afraid we’ll do similar things to them, so they’ve been bullied into condoning what I do. That might have held water for a while, but let’s get real: we’re talking about killing people that the world has more or less disliked from the get-go. The world is happy I’m doing its dirty work, now that they can’t blame it on the Germans or hold Jew-massacres on their own soil (it would be so thirteenth-century). They love to assuage their collective guilt complexes by likening Zionist acts to Nazi atrocities. The entertainment value cannot be overstated.

But while the rhetoric and pathetic international posturing have their place, I actually object to the term “genocide” being bandied about, as if any old ethnic conflict in which oodles of noncombatants get killed can really live up to that description. I hate the Zionists as much as the next guy, and their occupation of my land is criminal, but let’s get real: it’s no genocide if the target population keeps increasing. You want to see genocide? When my buddies and I liberate all of Palestine from the infidel Jew, then you’ll see genocide. For now, hold your tongues.

There’s a part of me that almost doesn’t want the Zionist occupation to end, though. If the Jews pull out – even if we expel every last one from Palestine into the sea – there’s something special about stabbing a whole family of Zionist pig children, something that killing other Arabs just can’t come close to matching. Heck, my pals and I kill other Palestinians all the time, and no one bats an eye. We make noises about their being “collaborators” when we’re just settling a business score or personal vendetta, but we all know nothing gets the blood pumping like Jewish blood spilling.

So I’m all for bloody resistance to Zionist existence, but let’s keep the killing proportionate so we don’t run out of Jews to stab.

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