Joint List Misses Deadline To Renew Status As Fifth Column

The List will not be permitted to avail itself of Fifth Column privileges for the next two years, but will be eligible to reapply at the end of 2019.

Jerusalem, December 11 – The alliance of four mostly-Arab parties in Israel’s parliament faces bureaucratic and procedural difficulties in the months ahead after the group failed to submit its renewal of Fifth Column status in time.

The Joint List, which numbers thirteen lawmakers, notified its constituents this afternoon (Thursday) that an office mix-up had resulted in the alliance missing the November 30 deadline to roll over Fifth Column registration with the national registrar. Consequently, they reported, the List will not be permitted to avail itself of Fifth Column privileges for the next two years, but will be eligible to reapply at the end of 2019.

“Unfortunately, a clerical mishap adversely affected our handling of the renewal documents,” read an e-mail sent to Joint List activists. “Financial, legal, and other benefits accruing to parties with registered Fifth Column status will, it appears, be suspended until at least January 2020. In the meantime, however, we are pursuing legal redress, including a petition to the High Court alleging the process and regulations discriminate against those who seek the downfall of Israel as a Jewish State, and seeking a ruling that orders the State to dismantle itself in favor of a Palestinian one to rectify the situation.”

The Joint List faces embarrassment over the snafu, as this error marks at least the third time it has committed a bureaucratic foul-up regarding Fifth Column status. To deflect attention to its failings, a spokesman for the List announced, it would launch another set of tirades against Jewish supremacism, Israeli war crimes, human rights abuses against Arabs, and other forces that can be blamed for self-inflicted Arab misfortunes, in keeping with standard operating procedure in “post-colonial” cultures.

“We will have to weigh our options,” declared representative Ghais Hamshi, an aide to Raam-Taal MK Ahmad Tibi. “There’s a bit of a Catch-22 here, in that standing for election to the legislature of the Zionist Entity could be seen as accepting its existence, and all the more so following Zionist procedures that legitimize those inherently discriminatory power structures. On the other hand, working within those structures is the only way for a group aspiring to serve as a Fifth Column to bring the system down in favor of one that is inherently discriminatory against Jews, not Arabs, which is fine.”

Analysts anticipate the November 2019 application to miss its deadline as well when the Histadrut labor union calls its traditional general strike that shuts down the public sector in a bid to extort funds from the Ministry of Finance.

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