Terrorists Hoping To Elicit Threats From Lieberman As Sign They’re Safe

Lieberman pronounced in mid-April 2016 that were he minister of defense, the chief of Hamas in Gaza, Ismail Haniyeh, would be eliminated within forty-eight hours.

Gaza City, April 23 – Leaders of the various militant factions opposed to Israel’s existence have taken to monitoring the statements of the Israeli minister of defense for indications he has spoken of targeting them for assassination, knowing that if he were to make such an utterance, he would never follow through, and they will be free to adopt a much less restrictive security routine.

Hamas chief in Gaza Yahya Sinwar, senior Islamic Jihad figures, and a smattering of other violent groups in this coastal territory now begin their days with a check on whether Avigdor Lieberman had said anything menacing about them in the previous 24 hours, now that more than two years have elapsed since Lieberman pronounced in mid-April 2016 that were he minister of defense, the chief of Hamas in Gaza, Ismail Haniyeh, would be eliminated within forty-eight hours. Lieberman has served as minister of defense since June of that year, and Haniyeh now leads Hamas’s international political and fundraising activities. The figures take Haniyeh’s situation as a defining precedent, and hope to achieve similar hands-off status while Lieberman runs Israel’s defense apparatus.

“I actually have a guy on full-time salary whose job is just to follow what Lieberman says,” admitted Sinwar, who inherited Haniyeh’s position when the latter was promoted, unharmed, late last year. “For now I’ve got to stay vigilant and assume I’m in the crosshairs whenever various senior Zionists decide my time is up, but it would sure save me a lot of hassle if Lieberman would just come out and declare my days are numbered. Then I could dispense with the whole mess of security precautions, and enjoy a bit of relative relaxation.”

Other operatives in Islamic Jihad, the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine, and smaller offshoots of the major terror organizations such as the Popular Resistance Committees, have engaged a consultant charged with alerting them when Lieberman makes another such outburst of bluster. “We don’t have the monetary resources that Hamas enjoys, so a bunch of different groups pooled their money and now we’ve got a guy keeping track of Lieberman’s rhetoric for all of us at once,” disclosed an Islamic Jihad district commander who spoke on condition of anonymity. “I don’t know if it’s going to happen, but it would be nice to achieve Haniyeh-like status and know I’m considered off-limits. It would eliminate a lot of the tedious procedures we have to undergo all the time. Inshallah.”

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