Trojan Ads Rejected For Side Of Holy Ark Despite Absence Of Women

“It might have just been that at least one of the ads uses images of pigs, which our teachings consider unclean animals,” suggested Er ben-Onan.

Wilderness Of Sinai, May 28 – Manufacturers of a latex prophylactic voiced dissatisfaction today upon learning that their application to place a commercial message on the gold-covered box carried by the Levites through the various travels of the Israelites has been refused, even though the company made sure to airbrush out all females from the images in line with the strict sensibilities of many in the target audience.

The Church & Dwight company, makers of the Trojan brand of condoms, expressed their disappointment today to reporters, following word from the Israelite leadership that their proposed advertisement for the product does not meet the sensitivity requirements for placement on the side of the holy ark. Company executives confessed their bewilderment and frustration after devoting months of effort to a project they had thought would prove acceptable.

“We are baffled,” admitted Executive Vice President Medium Ribbed. “Given the notorious furor about the appearance of women in ads on the sides of buses in holy locales, we made sure our advertising agency would craft a campaign that steered well clear of any such representations. This was especially important considering the even holier status that the ark carries. We worked hard on this, and we demand to know just how our campaign does not belong on that prime advertising real estate.”

Ribbed noted that other campaigns with messages that could be deemed problematic have seen their ads accepted in similar placements, adding to the sense of inconsistency. “The Temples of Baal over in Phoenicia had no problem with a huge spot for cigarettes,” he noted. “Same with a short campaign on the side of the Egyptian Sphinx last year for gas-guzzling Hummer vehicles. Trojan condoms are a health and hygiene product, and hardly more problematic than those or other examples of things such institutions have never had a problem with before.”

Israelite leaders have yet to comment on the reasons for the ad’s rejection, but a member of the tribe of Judah hinted at a possible consideration. “It might have just been that at least one of the ads uses images of pigs, which our teachings consider unclean animals,” suggested Er ben-Onan. “The prohibition is not to eat them, and to treat their carcasses as unclean, but there’s always been a hardcore tendency to impose additional barriers to safeguard the core prohibition. I hope this is cleared up soon, because I really want to see the best ads around Super Bowl time.”

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