Stabbing, Bus-Bombing, Arson-Committing, Plane-Hijacking, Car-Ramming, Firebomb-Throwing, Civilian-Shooting, Violence-Inciting Palestinians Don’t Know What Else To Do To Convince You They’re Innocent Victims

“We have a hard time figuring out how the heck else to convey our innocent victim status through our behavior.”

Credit: IDF

Ramallah, May 30 – Frustrated Palestinians engaged in wanton destruction of Israeli property and in malicious violence toward Jews cannot think of other ways to demonstrate to the international community their unassailable status as pure victims of Israeli oppression.

Leaders of all the major factions in Palestinian society expressed deep vexation today following more than a century of futile effort at making a convincing case for their people’s unadulterated victimhood, confessing that other than hurling firebombs and rocks at Israeli motorists, hacking Israeli families and Rabbis to death, blowing up Israeli buses, hotels, and restaurants with bombs, burning Israeli fields and woodland, destroying Israeli farming equipment and facilities, killing Israelis in gun attacks, driving motor vehicles into Israeli pedestrians, and other deadly avenues for venting discontent, they remain unable to identify behaviors that might drive home the argument.

Major Fatah, Hamas, Islamic Jihad, and Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine figures told PreOccupied Territory in separate telephone conversations Wednesday that they remain at a loss to come up with alternatives to their chosen courses of violent action over the last hundred years that would provide conclusive evidence for the world that they must intervene in the Palestinians’ favor, as the latter have done nothing to provoke or explain their treatment at the hands of Jews during that time.

“We’re at sixes and sevens over this,” admitted Saeb Erekat of Fatah. “None of us knows what else to do. We’ve basically tried everything in the world. We’ve tried glorifying murder; we’ve tried paying murderers and their families lifetime pensions; we’ve even named institutions and streets after murderers. What is our people supposed to do to highlight our innocence and virtue, other than try to kill as many Jews as possible in as gruesome a manner as possible at every possible opportunity except when a strategic pause might allow us to kill even more, and more easily, later? It’s not a fair situation we’ve been given.”

“I challenge you to find alternatives,” concurred Yahya Sinwar of Hamas. “People talk about using non-violence as if that’s supposed to accomplish anything, but we’ve been trying non-violent lethal terrorism since the beginning, and it’s gotten us nowhere. The majority of the folks who make the major decisions or control the purse strings out there in the world have a hard time seeing us as innocent victims. And we have a hard time figuring out how the heck else to convey our innocent victim status through our behavior.”

“The world is basically obtuse, that’s all there is to it,” concluded Ramadan Salah of Palestinian Islamic Jihad. “We might never be able to make them understand. Perhaps only if we start aiming our bombs and rockets at the US and Europe might they finally grasp how innocent we are.”

“It seems to work for Hezbollah in Europe, in any case,” he added.

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