Modesty Patrol Orders Store To Cover Macaroni Elbows

Other varieties of pasta have presented no such problem.

Jerusalem, June 13 – A local squad of self-appointed enforcers with a mission to maintain strict standards of behavioral and sartorial conservatism warned the proprietor of a neighborhood grocery store to conceal the macaroni elbow pasta he offers for sale, since community standards dictate all elbows be covered.

Meah She’arim shop owner Misha Gaas told reporters Wednesday that members of the area’s “modesty patrol” entered his establishment this morning and admonished him for keeping the elbows exposed. “They said it’s a shameful violation and it promotes licentiousness,” he recalled. “And they said if I don’t cover up those elbows I won’t be allowed to continue operating my store.”

Mr. Gaas disclosed that he has yet to report the incident to the police, as similar episodes have resulted in damage or destruction to businesses that involved law enforcement in what many consider internal community matters. “The people here don’t trust the cops to begin with, and it’s seen as a betrayal to call them,” he explained.

Other varieties of pasta Mr. Gaas has sold from his store for the last fifteen years have presented no such problem. “It’s only the elbows,” he observed. “I only started selling them a couple of weeks ago. If you ask me, there are some more evocative shapes than elbows. Cannelloni, for example, looks more phallic to me than do elbows. Even penne – you’d think that name would prompt some raised eyebrows and a few shouts to cover up,  but I don’t make the rules. I’m not actually sure who does,” he concluded, noting that the identities and communal authority behind the modesty squads remains unclear, and that their accountability is therefore minimal.

Similar episodes occurred last year in Meah She’arim when representatives of the BDS movement came to the neighborhood to confer with figures in the anti-Zionist Neturei Karta organization. A BDS activist caused a stir when he described efforts to force institutions to divest from Israel, as some of those listening to him understood the term to refer to the removal of vests, an article of clothing that has become mandatory for Jewish women and girls in segments of the Haredi community, as it de-emphasizes the size and shape of the bosom. The misunderstanding cleared up when the activists explained that could not possibly be what they meant, considering the conscious omission of females from the term “boycott” and the concern for holiness implied by the first syllable of “sanctions.”

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