Almost Time For Local Mom To Think Fidget Spinners The Latest Thing

“Oh, crap, she’s probably going to describe the spinners as ‘fleeky’ or something.”

Carmiel, June 24 – A mother of three in this middle-class northern town will soon hit upon the idea that a gyroscope-like toy that peaked in popularity last year represents the trendiest product on the market for kids right now, and begin purchasing it in large numbers to give as birthday gifts in as public a manner as possible in the presence of her children, are sources are reporting.

Family insiders told PreOccupied Territory that Maya Berger, 37, appears on the cusp of discovering the fidget spinner fad of mid-2017, at which point she will in all likelihood embrace the phenomenon with the tardy cluelessness characteristic of mothers, and begin inflicting shame on her offspring for weeks or months as every small gift-giving occasion becomes an ordeal for the children to endure as their friends gain direct exposure to her oblivious uncoolness.

A spokesman for the family described the dread hovering in the household in light of the impending social disaster. “Oh, God, it’s horrible just thinking about it,” breathed Sigal, 15. “I can almost feel it coming. The timing is always so precisely, horribly wrong with these things, such as when Mom got into Crocs like four years ago, which is to say, about two years too late. Or when she bought us all Angry Birds t-shirts this past winter. It’s killing us.”

“I’m just hoping it won’t be as horrific as when she was talking to my friends at my slumber party,” added Eden, 12, in a hoarse whisper, as if giving voice to the phenomenon made it more powerful. “She kept peppering her speech with catch phrases that went out of fashion eight or nine years ago, but she just got into them. I could just die.”

“Oh, crap, she’s probably going to describe the spinners as ‘fleeky’ or something,” she added, turning several shades of crimson. “Oh, no.”

The girls’ father Guy, 38, has offered little help, according to the children. “Dad might be aware of the problem, I don’t know,” mused Sigal. “But he doesn’t seem to care. He laughs whenever she does these things – like he knows it’s the worst thing in the world but finds it funny. Like, he’s the first person you’d think would keep her in check on this, but it seems to amuse him instead of mortify him. We don’t know what to do. It’s gonna happen soon, and we’re all going to suffer.”

At press time, Mrs. Berger had stopped on her way home from work and was browsing a thrift store, taking special interest in some New Kids on the Block apparel for her daughters.

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