Maybe We Palestinians Shouldn’t Have Had Neymar Coach Us On Faking Injuries

By Mahmoud Al-Zahar, Hamas spokesman

All means are acceptable in throwing off the yoke of the Zionist usurper. Staging incidents and inflating casualty figures boasts a long and glorious history in Palestinian lore, at least since Deir Yassin. But the mere acceptability of such measures does not automatically make them the recommended course of action, and in that regard it appears we may have miscalculated: perhaps it was unwise of us to engage Mr. Neymar da Silva Santos Jr. to train us in pretending to suffer injury.

In previous years it took little effort on our part to get our pretend casualties reported in Western media. Sympathetic journalists and systemic anti-Israel bias all but ensured that our party line would carry the day. But circumstance shave shifted, and the prevalence of individuals on the scene with video-recording devices has made coordination of the blood libels a much more difficult task. That, coupled with certain elements in the media chastened by exposure of their credulity vis-à-vis our accusations, has increased the importance of convincing performances by Palestinians faking wounds at the hands of the Zionist forces. To our dismay, our chief role model and trainer in that respect no longer enjoys repute as an honest victim, and we are left similarly exposed.

The discussion of whether to resort to such deceitful measures must wait for some other occasion and forum; suffice it to say that we are fully cognizant of the implications of faking atrocities or other crimes, but what those who argue for honesty fail to grasp is that everything must be weaponized against the epic struggle against the Jews, and if the truth cannot be weaponized, then the truth is of no use. QED.

All hope is not lost, however. Numerous journalists still harbor default sympathy for our narrative (it helps that we threaten or boycott those who don’t), and how hard can it be to get our men not to move when they’re playing the part of corpses? Judging from experience, more difficult than we anticipated, but we should not need Neymar anymore if we practice that act enough. And with cash from Iran flowing into our coffers – thanks Obama! – we can keep this unrest going for as long as necessary to master the acting part.

It’s been seven decades. We should be close to perfecting our victim performance any moment now, with or without Neymar. Here’s hoping.

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