Typo Results In Palestinian Preacher Inciting Violence Against Jaws

 “I get that’s it’s a bad movie. Is it because of the ethnicity of the film’s director? That wasn’t made clear, in my opinion.”

Ramallah, October 9 – Materials distributed to mosque officials by the Palestinian government today contained a printing error, eyewitnesses are reporting, resulting in at least one imam calling on worshipers to engage in violence against a notorious great white shark.

Attendees at the Al Quds Mosque in the de facto Palestinian capital city of Ramallah recounted how at Tuesday’s midday prayers, Imam Ta’ut Haqlada began railing against Jaws, a departure from the normal pattern of blaming Israel and the adherents of its majority religion for all the world’s ills and for Palestinian suffering in particular. The fiery sermon left hundreds confused.

“I’ve never seen the film, and probably never would in any case,” admitted Ramallah resident Karish al-Labni. “But I think something went wrong in the official channels today.”

“That was… different,” observed a dazed-looking woman who declined to give her name. “I get that’s it’s a bad movie. Is it because of the ethnicity of the film’s director? That wasn’t made clear, in my opinion.”

A spokesman for Imam Haqlada denied any errors. “All these reports of confusion are slander,” he insisted. “The imam did as he always does, which is speak out against the enemies of Islam and of the Palestinian people. Only those who would willfully distort his teachings to create some sort of media feeding frenzy would come up with such an insulting notion.”

According to unconfirmed reports, the office of President Mahmoud Abbas has reprimanded the preacher, but that could not be independently corroborated.

A similar incident occurred two years ago in the city of Qalqiliya, when a preacher spent forty-five minutes railing against the evils of juice, and before that in Gaza City in 2014 when worshipers were subjected to a tirade against the atrocities perpetrated by someone named “Jess.”

“This hating lots of different things and people is becoming a thing, isn’t it?” wondered Hebron resident Amnat Deff, amid rumors of a local imam decrying the crimes of a group called “Zinnists.” “I didn’t even know there were enthusiasts of the zinfandel grape. I mean, I grow some, and it’s a fine varietal, but I had no idea there were people so devoted to it that they would mass murder, dispossess, and who knows what else in the name of a grape. It’s a pretty scary thought. I wonder why no one’s mentioned them until now, if they’ve been perpetrating these horrors on our people for more than a hundred years, according to the preacher?”

“Be that as it may,” he concluded, “they’re probably pussycats compared to those people I heard about the other week called ‘Kews'”.

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