Israel To Unleash Electric Bikes On Gaza

Israel’s maniac reserves should be able to handle the necessary level of supply with no significant problem.

Credit: Ralf Roletschek via Wikimedia Commons

Tel Aviv, October 16 – Defense officials announced today a new tactic in quelling the unrest emanating from the autonomous Palestinian coastal territory for most of 2018, one that involves the release of Israelis on electric bicycles to sow terror in the Palestinian street as a response in kind to the incendiary balloons and kites that have wrought ecological devastation on southern Israel.

Ministry of Defense spokesman Perreh Adam told reporters that following an extensive review of operational considerations and options, Minister Avigdor Liberman approved Operation Electric Terror. He declined to specify when the initiative will begin, but did state that expenses remain low because the vast majority of participants do not bother with helmets or other basic safety equipment.

“A study of our resources and manpower found an unexpectedly large reserve of idiots with little or no concern for others’ well-being on the streets of our major cities,” explained Adam. “It took only a little bit of creative thinking to conclude that such people can serve our purposes in taking the fight to the enemy. Electric-bike riders are already known to have no regard for life and limb, so all we need to do is channel what they already do, toward the streets of Gaza, Khan Yunis, and other trouble hotspots such as the violent demonstrations at the border fence.”

Operation Electric Terror aims to disrupt the movement of people and supplies to the violent flashpoints which have become a public relations and diplomatic headache for Israel. “It doesn’t matter to ‘human rights’ groups and most news media that Hamas is orchestrating the inevitable harm to women and children – they always paint it as Israel’s fault,” noted analyst Rashla Nutpo-Shaat. “The Hamas strategy banks on Israel defending her borders. The most effective way to combat that involves sabotaging the movement’s ability to move its people into position. A corps of the most reckless, imbecilic, dangerous people could go a long to way to keeping Gazans off the streets and away from the fence. Let’s see whether it works.”

Ministry projections see two battalions of electric bicycles totaling up to 800 riders. “Israel’s maniac reserves should be able to handle that level of supply with no significant problem,” predicted Ms. Nutpo-Shaat. “It’s notable that not all the maniacs are riders of electric bikes – a good number are operators of larger motor vehicles, and others are just pedestrians who cross where drivers have little visibility and no braking distance.”

In response to a reporter’s question, spokesman Adam added that if and when the authorities in Gaza respond by shooting or detaining the bikers, at least the crazies will be off Israeli streets.

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