After Mishap, Jerusalem-Tel-Aviv Train Operator Seeks Hamas Advice On Tunnels

“We have a lot to learn from them in terms of structural and system integrity.”

Jerusalem, October 16 – Rakkevet Yisrael, the government-owned corporation that runs the country’s rail network, announced today that following a malfunction in an underground passageway that rendered a passenger train from Tel Aviv immobile for several hours Monday, they would reach out to the Islamist movement that governs the Gaza Strip to gain knowledge of how to better maintain and use such passageways.

Rakkevet Yisrael spokesman Jack Hammer told reporters this evening that the organization has already sought contact with Hamas through a third party. “We’re hoping to hear back from them today, if possible,” he disclosed. “We’ve only been using tunnels to move people for a short time, and only in a few locations. But Hamas has vastly more experience with such things than we do. From an efficiency and process-improvement standpoint, the logical move is to engage their expertise.”

Hamas tunnels within the Gaza Strip and beneath the Israeli and Egyptian borders could hold valuable lessons for Rakkevet Yisrael. “Ventilation, electricity, water removal – these are just some of the specialties where Hamas’s experience can be of help to us,” continued Hammer. “They spend millions on each tunnel – nothing compared to the huge amounts we poured into one of the worst-managed infrastructure projects Israel has ever seen, but still, it does show we have a lot to learn from them in terms of structural and system integrity.”

The move marks a departure from official Israeli attitudes toward Hamas, experts note. “Tunnels from Gaza have been a major threat,” explained Hafar Peret. “The thrust of Israel’s treatment of them has been one of finding ways to neutralize them. Just this week saw the demolition of one that crossed into Israel and could have allowed terrorists to attack through it. But if Hamas can teach the train people a thing or two about using tunnels, that could change the entire dynamic. It might even be the gesture so many people want to see that would begin a more conciliatory era in Israeli-Palestinian relations.”

Railway officials sounded a cautionary note. “We’re not about to hold extensive talks with Hamas right now,” assured Fashla Sahevet. “They’re a little busy trying to burn down our fields, forests, and homes. But at the very least, we can examine the tunnels we’ve discovered already and apply what we learn to the maintenance, repair, and use of our passages. In any case, our procedures don’t allow for direct contact – you have to take three separate escalators to the one location where the communication takes place, and you can only get in if you’ve reserved a spot in advance online.”

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