Saudi Reassures Progressives No GMOs Used In Eliminating Khashoggi

“No criticism seems to emerge from the same quarters regarding Turkey’s or Iran’s use of GMO foods.”

Riyadh, October 22 – Officials of King Salman’s royal family sought to assuage ongoing leftist anger at the kingdom over its admitted role in the abduction, murder, and dismemberment of an anti-regime journalist several days ago by asserting that the operation did not involve the use of objectionable biological chemicals or breeding processes.

A spokesman for the House of Saud posted a message on the social media site Twitter this morning to the effect that no genetically modified organisms had a role in what the Salman government at first described as a botched interrogation of dissident writer Jamal Khashoggi. The Saudis later walked back that characterization, conceding circumstances inconsistent with such an account, but maintained their insistence that their actions did not run afoul of sensibilities that view GMO foodstuffs as immoral or irresponsible.

“We would like to reassure those concerned over our alleged misconduct in the so-called Khashoggi affair that no ‘living modified organism,’ to use the technical term, played any part in the incident,” stated Prince Guanin Adnin. “Those propagandists, both witting and unwitting, who attempt to shame Saudi Arabia for its behavior in this episode must now apologize. No violation of progressive principles has taken place here, at least none that these same activists and mouthpieces have called out anywhere else in the Arab or Muslim world.”

“It is telling,” continued Adnin, “that no criticism seems to emerge from the same quarters regarding Turkey’s or Iran’s use of GMO foods. We call upon the media personalities and organizations spreading the GMO slander against His Majesty [King Salman] and His Excellency [Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman] to examine their behavior and, shall we say, modify it in non-genetic fashion to conform to the values they purport to hold.”

In fact, experts note, Saudi Arabia possesses close to zero expertise in GMO technology. “Their principal export is oil, and that’s about it,” observed political analyst Rheib O’Soam.  “Saudi Arabia has no appreciable knowledge of GMO tech or products, and since they import such vast quantities of food, they can’t really be bothered to get picky about GMO or non-GMO. It’s just not in their experience.”

Activists and commentators received similar assurances before and accepted them, recalled O’Soam, when Russia issued a guarantee that the chemical agent used in the assassination attempts of dissident Russian nationals on UK soil earlier this year contained no GMO elements. “Progressives were quick to be mollified by that, so in this case they should similarly have no problem,” he explained.

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