Israeli Voters Have Gall To Value Own Lives Over American Progressive Values

The cause of this Israeli brazenness remains unknown.

Jerusalem, November 8 – A majority of the electorate in the Jewish State continues to demonstrate unprecedented temerity by placing greater priority on their own safety and security than on the ideals that animate the left segment of the political spectrum in the United States.

Analysts note that in election after election over the last decade, Israeli voters have selected as a majority of the Knesset’s 120 members legislators who see protecting Israelis from attack as more important than politically correct terminology, religious pluralism, or myriad other issues that progressive Americans deem crucial to sustaining and nurturing an enlightened society.

For some reason, the analysts have observed, Israelis have the gall to disagree with the manifestly correct assumptions governing left-wing American sensibilities, by which Jewish survival, tradition, sovereignty, and security must take a back seat to avoiding hurting the feelings of those whom left-wing Americans believe they are protecting by assigning them permanent victim status as a function of ethnicity. The cause of this Israeli brazenness remains unknown.

“It’s more than a little shocking,” reported Brookings Institution Fellow Dick Move. “According to axiomatic notions in right-thinking – that is to say, left-thinking – schools of thought, the relative safety of American society from such horrors as the everyday threat of terrorism grants Americans a clarity of thought and moral determination that overrides whatever less enlightened, and therefore lesser, electorates might consider primary. Thus, rewarding Palestinian terrorism and intransigence becomes crucial in the eyes of the wiser, more mature American view, and only the mysterious vindictiveness of the Israeli voting public appears to account for the disparity between progressive American exhortations and the outcome of Israeli elections since the Second Intifada.”

“We must also remember a related axiom,” added Professor of Gender Studies Hedda Pioras at the University of California at Davis. “It’s that People of Color, which must always be defined contextually as whoever is opposed to Jews at a given moment, have the default status of victims, and must not be assumed to have moral agency. That means the onus for remedying a situation or de-escalating a conflict will always fall upon Jews, in this case Israelis, and it violates the principles of progressiveness to demand anything from Palestinians. The fact that Israelis keep voting for candidates and policies not in line with these assumptions is offensive and shocking.”

Experts have yet to agree on what steps to take to alter the political inclinations of Israelis to become less in-your-face, but most appear to accept that the only way to mitigate the effects of the constant threat from Arab terrorism and denial of Jewish sovereign legitimacy is to add the threat of economic and political sanctions that further empower those who engage in Arab terrorism and deny Jewish sovereign legitimacy.

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