Rifts In Church Of Intersectionality Over Hierarchy Of Victimhood

Rival intramural groups place either Muslims or transgender women of color at the top of the victimhood ladder, but not both.

Berkeley, December 11 – Divisions among officials and lay figures in the world’s most progressive religious movement worsened today as the factions came close to blows over the question of which ethnic, social, or other group can claim the title of most-oppressed, and therefore most owed deference, resources, and political power.

Simmering tensions in the Church of Intersectionality surfaced for the seventh time in as many weeks at services this morning, with rival intramural groups placing either Muslims or transgender women of color at the top of the victimhood hierarchy, but not both. The progressives on both sides of the divide leveled accusations that their counterparts across the pew must favor racism, ethnic cleansing, othering, and rounding up oppressed populations for mass execution.

“The only reason to oppose placing Muslims at the top of the victimhood hierarchy is Islamophobia,” charged Tatiana McGrath, a church Elder who took pains to stress that the title has no bearing on actual age, lest that imply discrimination. “Think of the way LBGTQIZHXMUFWE rights are used as a cudgel by the far right to demonize socially conservative Islamic societies. The fact that the issue of those rights can be used against Muslims should tell you everything you need to know about who the real victims are. It’s more than a little suspicious that our opponents on this issue can’t see the obvious, and our teachings demand no subtlety in fighting evil. I’ll call it what it is: evil. And you don’t compromise with evil.”

Proponents of transgender women as the most-oppressed population contended that the Muslims-as-ultimate-victims faction ignored the lived experiences of transgender women, not a single one of whom has held Congressional office, whereas Muslims have. “Let’s not kid ourselves,” smirked lay leader Godfrey Elfwick, who also noted that using the word “kid” in no way condones age discrimination. “No one is stopping Muslims from going about their lives as Muslims. Sure, there are dangerous people out there who might call for that, but they have no real influence. We can just monitor them and call them out, and that’s fine. But Muslims never have to deal with deadnaming, or being called the wrong pronoun, or,” he, and we may use the masculine pronoun here because Mr. Elfwick approved it, lowered his voice, “being barred from the restrooms of their choice.” He shuddered upon uttering the last phrase.

Witnesses recalled that the rift has grown worse since it came to the fore in October. “It used to be just something we talk about and stress over privately,” lamented a worshiper who identified as anonymous, and listed “anonymous” as [possessive pronoun] gender. “But it’s really dividing us now, and the only people I can think that everyone will agree to blame for that are the Zionists.”

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