Outrage In Hezbollah As Nasrallah’s Love Child With Tzipi Livni Promoted

Some have allowed their grievances to temper the excitement of Donald Trump’s announcement of a troop withdrawal from Syria.

Beirut, December 24 – Fighters in the Shiite militia that dominates Lebanon expressed resentment today that a less-capable colleague has received command over a prestigious unit only because his father runs the organization, an occurrence that, beyond the nepotism it displays, rankles them because the new commander’s mother is a prominent figure in hated Israel.

Hezbollah chief Hassan Nasrallah promoted his son Lashayy, 30, on Sunday, to the rank of major, and assigned him command of an elite commando unit. Ambitious and aspiring officers in the militia grumbled at being passed over for the position in his favor, and privately voiced frustration that they remain stuck while their leader gives advancement to a man who not only has shown little military promise, but also comes from suspicious stock, given that his mother Tzipi Livni serves as co-chair of the leading Opposition faction in Israel.

Lashayy Nasrallah’s birth came in the 1980’s as the result of a long-term honey-pot sting operation by the Mossad, Israel’s secret intelligence service, to compromise up-and-coming figures in various terrorist organizations. Livni, then an undercover agent in Lebanon, seduced Nasrallah and maintained a romantic relationship with him for more than a year, giving birth to a son in January of 1988. Analysts believe the IDF owes the success of several important operations to that relationship, which ended when Livni was recalled home. Nasrallaha weathered the political storm, and Lashayy grew up as an integral part of the Nasrallah family; his father made it clear to other siblings and relatives that the boy’s provenance would remain unmentioned, on pain of exile.

Rumors nevertheless persisted around Lashayy as he advanced through the ranks of Hezbollah ahead of contemporaries most observers considered more qualified. His continued promotions provoked silent ire, but the slighted competitors dared not risk upsetting the Sheikh lest they put their careers or safety in jeopardy. Now, however, some have allowed their grievances to temper the excitement of Donald Trump’s announcement of a troop withdrawal from Syria.

“The potential for our patron Iran is great, sure, but this promotion isn’t going to help morale,” confided a captain who had his eye on the command ever since the previous commander was killed during an action fighting insurgents in Syria. “Now we have rumors lying around that the Zionists have penetrated us all the way to the top, which I personally find hard to believe, but it certainly dovetails with the oh-so-convenient timing of our attack tunnels [into northern Israel] being discovered and neutralized.”

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