Kids In Poverty Realize Santa Hates Them

“It’s quite a departure from the Saint Nick of yore.”

Nazareth, December 26 – Children from economically disadvantaged families compared their Christmas presents today to those of better-off friends and neighbors and came to the conclusion that Kris Kringle must dislike them.

Youths whose parents struggle to make ends meet told reporters Wednesday that their loot from yesterday’s festivities amounted to a fraction of the haul their wealthy contemporaries garnered, and that this recurring development can only indicate that Saint Nicholas holds animosity toward poor children.

“If it were only this year I’d put it down to a fluke,” explained George Hassan, 11. “If Santa manufactured and distributed toys at random, that would be one thing. But consistently, the kids who already have loads of stuff, and whose parents never have to worry about putting food on the table in the first place – in short, the kids who need Santa’s generosity the least – get the best, most, and most expensive gifts for Christmas. We poor kids, in the meantime, have to settle for something homemade, token, or at best mediocre that we’re supposed to be grateful for receiving because it’s the thought that counts. As if. Father Christmas must not like us very much.”

“It’s quite a departure from the Saint Nick of yore,” seconded Lucy Jubran, 12. “Once upon a time, Saint Nicholas would provide gifts to the poor. Maybe he’s soured on us as the years passed. I don’t know. You’d think a guy who owes his prominence in Christianity to his largess toward the less fortunate would embrace that as his modus operandi, and squelch whatever resentment might crop up over time.”

Some children wondered what phenomenon might account for the shift from helping the poor on Christmas to providing them only with token, even insulting gifts. “Maybe he’s become a Republican,” suggested Thomas Litani, 10. “I understand that happens to many people as they age – their idealism fades and a kind of cynicism sets in, and they can even develop outright animosity toward the very causes they once championed, in an effort to put psychological distance between their current selves and the ‘mistakes’ they made when they were young and stupid.”

“I don’t know about that,” countered Ms. Jubran. “He stopped giving gifts to the poor 1700 years ago. I wouldn’t chalk it up to a recent ideological shift. I think maybe there’s more to it – maybe we’re being lied to. I think the truth is even more disturbing. And I think our parents may be in on it.”

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