A Land Flowing With Milf And Honey? I Am SO There.

By Zmiri Ben-Salu, Tribe of Simeon

Oh, man, this is going to be great. Have you heard? Moses came back from Midian to tel us the LORD is going to take us out of this godforsaken place and bring us to a land flowing with milf and honey. I am SO there.

Egypt has its charms, sure. It might have been sufficient for God to just overthrow this regime and install someone new who treats us better, but this God doesn’t take half measures, does He? No, siree. I cannot WAIT to get to Canaan. This is going to be one fantastic peoplehood.

Not to bite the hand that’s fed me until now, and Hebrew girls are wonderful and all, but it’s getting old. This is going to be GREAT. I’d march through the desert for YEARS to get to that promised land, if you know what I mean. The women in these parts are far too inhibited for my liking. Also, after a hard day’s work as a slave, it’s kind of difficult to muster the energy for anything. But a land that flows with milfs? I probably won’t have to make much of an effort to score on that front. Or back, if you know what I mean. Yowza.

But wait, it gets better. You think when the LORD said it flows with milf and honey, He meant the sweet stuff you make from dates? Well, have I got some exciting news for you, brother. While no one would say no to a date or two – or seventeen or eighteen, nudge nudge –
“honey” carries an even more appealing meaning, if you follow my drift. This is going to be EPIC, bro.

Dude, why do you think Moses bothered to list all six of those nations in the place we’ve been promised if we’re not going to have access to six different kinds of women? From what I hear, Jebusite girls don’t put out as much as Prizite ones, but believe you me, that’s not going to matter when the honey, so to speak, is plentiful. I don’t know anything about the Hittite hotties, but it sure won’t take long to find out. And if the Emorite milfs are anywhere near as mighty as their people’s reputation, this Israelite is going to be a busy man.

I do wish Moses had brought back a few more Midianite milfs, though. Babes be HOTT.