African Children Reject Leftover Hillary Campaign Shirts, Hats

“I have six boys to clothe and can barely afford food, let alone new shirts for them. But I still have some shame.”

Kigali, Rwanda, November 9 – Tribal elders and heads of families are reporting that under no circumstances do they or their children want to accept the surplus or used promotional attire from the failed presidential campaign of Hillary Clinton, according to local sources.

Leaders across sub-Saharan Africa, where surplus clothing and seconds often wind up donated or sold for a minimal amount, insisted this morning that under no circumstances may anyone bring “I’m With Her” paraphernalia into their towns and villages, and anyone who attempts to sell “Hillary ’16” attire will be run out of town.

“It’s one thing to walk around with a ‘Cleveland Indians – 2016 World Champions’ shirt that some entrepreneur produced a few thousand of,” explained Mbala Suboka, a father of eight from rural Namibia. “There’s some humor in that, and most people have no idea. The same thing goes for misspelled, offensive, or otherwise unacceptable words and images that we couldn’t care less about. At least we have something to wear. But we draw the line at invoking a candidate with so little appeal she couldn’t defeat a narcissistic orange windbag whose escapades should have undermined any candidate with a competent opponent.”

“Please don’t send us any surplus,” begged Anda Zumbaya, a mother of six from Ghana. “Please. We are willing to swallow our pride and accept aid from donors abroad, but that has limits. No Hillary merchandise. Please. I have six boys to clothe and can barely afford food, let alone new shirts for them. But I still have some shame.”

Clinton campaign officials had planned to donate the surplus inventory to African aid efforts regardless of the election outcome, but, explained analyst Avi Uss, the dynamics of the campaign meant that only a Clinton victory would have enabled Africans to receive the leftovers with an acceptable level of embarrassment.

“In a way, it’s the same phenomenon that led to her defeat in the first place,” he observed. “The policy of donating the surplus made campaign people feel good about themselves for helping those unfortunate villagers far away, but mixed in was the same smug superiority that lay behind Hillary’s electoral fall. They couldn’t imagine anyone might see their benevolence as elitism, or as a mere vehicle for self-satisfaction instead of a real empathy for the concerns of others and an understanding of their struggles.”

Campaign officials told reporters they were still set on donating the surplus, and that perhaps the impoverished rural inhabitants of red states would be happy to take it.

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