All-Powerful Zionist Conspiracy Apparently Really Bad At Covering Its Tracks

Common knowledge.

Jerusalem, March 10 – The Learned Elders of Zion, who exert tight control over international banking, media, commerce, government, entertainment, and politics, are agonizing over their continued inability to conceal their activities from the conspiracy-theory-minded public.

Rumors of Jewish control of markets and governments have been current in certain segments of society for more than a hundred years, even though the secretive cabal supposedly competent enough to engineer every major world event of the last century or more is nevertheless so inept at erasing its own fingerprints that details of the conspiracy’s activities are common knowledge in, for example, the Arab Middle East. Mainstream Arab media outlets routinely trumpet the latest in Zionist conspiracies and nefarious misdeeds, calling into question the ability of this strategically-oriented, patient cabal, acting across decades and centuries, to take even the most basic security precautions.

By now, for example, observers would have grown wise to the phenomenon of countless influential Jews in Hollywood and music production, not to mention the news media and medicine. Despite the flagrant prominence of Jews in most or all areas of public influence in the Western world, and the red flags this occurrence raises among the conspiracy-alert, the Elders of Zion have either neglected or declined to disguise that level of direct control over Western minds and money by acting more consistently through non-Jewish fronts.

Experts are divided on what accounts for this major oversight, considering that by now, the Elders of Zion should have been expected to notice the error and institute some adequate concealment policy. “It might just be laziness,” said Indolnt Fakir, a Turkish analyst. “I’m sure it’s hard work engineering 9/11 and making sure all the Jews escape, all while planning a second invasion of Iraq and infecting Palestinian children with AIDS – after harvesting their organs,” he added.

Others disagree. “This is clearly a case of plain old arrogance,” asserted Ahmad Windbag, a Palestinian journalist who follows reports of the Zionist conspiracy in Arab media. “The Jews – I mean the Zionists; we’re not allowed to publicly hate Jews anymore – probably think we’re all too stupid and backward to figure it all out, and even if we did, too powerless to do anything about it, so it’s even crueler.”

Windbag said he could elaborate, but was afraid of being overheard by Zionist agents who would continue to do nothing to him.