Allies Regret Cannot Screw Over Kurds As Deeply As They Did Europe’s Jews

“That’s a shame. We like to think big.”

Washington, October 19 – Diplomats in Washington, London, Paris, and other capitals voiced disappointment this week that despite betraying Kurds and insisting they not pursue sovereignty after years of indispensable Kurdish help in defeating the Islamic State and stabilizing their portion of fragmented Iraq, they would be unable to guarantee that the Kurds would suffer the same fate as Europe’s Jews after the Allies decided against direct targeting of death camps and other instruments of the Holocaust during World War Two.

Speaking to reporters at the State Department in the presence of officials from other countries in the anti-ISIS coalition, Deputy Undersecretary for the Middle East and North Africa Charles Coughlin described the sense of letdown that the coalition would not be able to duplicate against the Kurds the impact and extent of the abandonment they had so successfully pursued between 1939 and 1945 when Jewish survival hung in the balance.

“Unfortunately, under current circumstances, only a pale imitation of that episode remains possible,” explained Coughlin, who also holds ordination as a Catholic priest. “The Kurds have been at the front of the fight against the Islamic State and its predecessors since forever, after decades of repression under Turkish, Iranian, Syrian, and Iraqi rule. Now that they, the most distinct ethnicity in the region without a nation-state, are finally in a position to attain one, we can certainly deny such an entity recognition and discourage the Kurds from declaring themselves sovereign, and even withhold protection, but the consequences, in terms of body count and atrocities, will fall far far, far short of those that occurred after our analogous withholding of assistance from European Jews during the Holocaust. And that’s a shame. We like to think big.”

French, British, and Russian officials echoed the sentiment in Washington. “We can insult and betray Kurds all we want,” stated Russian Foreign Ministry official Lavrentiy Beria. “We can even push recognition of a Palestinian state despite there never having been a distinct Palestinian ethnicity. It was a non-political geographic designation, such as ‘Siberia,’ since antiquity. So recognizing Palestine and not recognizing Kurdistan is certainly something we can accept, but in our assessment, there is no way the bloodshed against Kurds that will result from such processes will approach anything like the numbers of Jews killed when the Allies of World War Two let them continue to be slaughtered.”

“Not that I’m insinuating the Holocaust actually happened,” he added. “We wouldn’t want to offend our allies in Tehran with such an assertion.”

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