Antisemites Polishing Up CVs As Democratic Campaigns Compete To Hire Them

“These developments mean we can continue our important advocacy work opposing Jewish self-determination and granting legitimacy to anti-Jewish behavior.”

Burlington, September 24 – Jew-haters find themselves in demand among the pool of potential applicants for positions with the presidential and other election campaigns getting into gear across the US, members of the cohort reported Tuesday.

Antisemites observed to reporters today that personnel moves by the presidential campaigns of Democratic candidates Bernie Sanders, Pete Buttigieg, Elizabeth Warren, and other such organizations in Congressional and local races have them reviewing their resumes to ensure their thinly-disguised anti-Jewish credentials stand out in a manner that will position them favorably with those responsible for recruitment decisions.

“It’s an exciting time for us,” gushed Wafa Ahmad, 27, a chapter president of Students for Justice in Palestine. “Activism always carries long-term career risks, but these developments mean we can continue our important advocacy work opposing Jewish self-determination and granting legitimacy to anti-Jewish behavior, while at the same time earning a living. A position with one campaign serves as a stepping-stone to other, similar work, and the pay is good. Me, I’m going to emphasize the parts of my experience that show me intimidating Jews into silence, with a sprinkling of painting Israel as the new Nazis and Jews who support Israel – that is, the overwhelming majority of them – as condoning or abetting genocide.”

“I’m more of a Farrakhan kind of gal,” responded Nadia Thomas, 24, of Midwood, Brooklyn. “Palestine-centered antisemitism is certainly a worthy pursuit, but I want to really stand out in the crowded field. That’s why I’ve redone my resumé to showcase my experience making Jews feel unwelcome and insecure in America. I think that kind of activism has some real bridge-building potential with white supremacists, with or without Palestine, which can sometimes be a distraction to the real mission of cleansing this nation of its, of its vermin, as my mentor might put it.”

Antisemites already occupying positions in presidential campaigns expressed gratification at seeing their footsteps followed. “I get a real sense of accomplishment knowing I’m kind of a pioneer,” revealed Linda Sarsour, formerly of the Women’s March and now a consultant to the presidential campaign of this state’s junior  senator, Bernie Sanders. “It’s certainly a long way from where I started out. I was a nobody, just a white girl from New York, until I hit upon this long-term, hair-covering Islamist thing. Now I’ve got a national podium from which to promote my brand of implausibly-deniable antisemitism, and a chance to make that part of a Democratic platform, and perhaps even policy.”

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