Arab Gulf States Would Take Refugees, But Gee, Mom Staying There Now

“Well, of all the rotten luck,” empathized Minister of Internal Affairs Ayyam Adik.

Riyadh, December 27 – Sources in the oil-rich nations of the Persian Gulf report that those countries would be more than happy to welcome a sizable number of refugees from Syria, Iraq, and other conflict zones in the Muslim world, but, wouldn’t you know it, their mother just decided to come stay with them for a bit, so, sorry, there’s no room right now.

Millions of displaced Syrians and Iraqis have flooded into Jordan, Lebanon, and Turkey, with many others opting to make the hazardous journey to Europe, where hope of a better life awaits. Countless more remain internally dislocated within those war-torn lands, with refugee agencies struggling to provide the necessary aid. European governments have criticized countries such as Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, Qatar, Kuwait, the United Arab Emirates, and Oman for paying mere lip service to the notion of helping the unfortunate peoples of crumbling Iraq and Syria, while doing precious little to remedy the crisis. A spokesman for the Saudi royal family explained that they would open their doors to refugees seeking asylum in a heartbeat, but Mom came to be with them on an open-ended trip, so, they apologize, but maybe some other time?

“We feel awful about this – the timing is just terrible, I know,” offered Crown Prince Wihaf Noroum Ibn Saud. “But you know Mom. She’s very particular about the neatness of the place, and it’ll just be awkward for everyone if we throw the gates open. Maybe ask again after she goes back home, in, say, three Julys from now? I’m sure we’ll be able to take some people by then.”

A UAE government spokesman sounded a similar note. “Well, of all the rotten luck,” empathized Minister of Internal Affairs Ayyam Adik. “I’m sure they’ll find some other welcoming places that can take them, though, right? People are fundamentally good and open to such things.” Adik suggested trying Somalia, Libya, and Sudan, which have cleared out plenty of space in recent years and should have lots of room.

“Now if you don’t mind, it’s time to clear away from here before we summon the cops,” warned Bahraini Minister of Foreign Affairs Gheddaffa Mappraperti. “Go on. Mother needs her quiet, and you’re making it hard for her to rest. She had a long, tiring trip to get here from, uh, from her, uh, house, and needs to relax.”

“The food is better in Europe anyway,” added Kuwaiti Vice Emir Al-Lafbinan Assol. “Everyone would happier there. Except maybe England. That food is terrible.”