Ashkelon Crane Collapse Narrowly Misses North Tel Avivian’s Sense Of Entitlement

“I pay for their public services, their education, their everything. But my vote doesn’t count more? Ridiculous.”

Ramat Aviv Gimel, August 8 – One Israeli avoided disaster by a hair today when a heavy piece of construction equipment in Israel’s southernmost Mediterranean city succumbed to a load failure and fell, coming within centimeters of striking the ego and arrogance of a resident of a wealthy suburb sixty kilometers away who assumes his above-average economic contribution to the state in tax payments and reserve military duty imply greater privileges and say in policy decisions by elected officials.

Nir Shoham, 38, recalled his narrow escape Tuesday. “I was preparing to take another day off of work to attend a protest against Bibi and his fascism,” he recounted. “This was right after I’d announced in a Facebook post and in a bunch of WhatsApp groups that I will not show up for reserve duty until the antidemocratic legislation is undone and this government falls. That crane in Ashkelon started falling, probably because even steel bolts and rivets are displeased with the crime minister. I was lucky to twist away just in time. My ego was almost bruised.”

The software developer and reserve sergeant in an infantry unit displayed for reporters the substantial sense of entitlement that almost got hit by the falling crane. “I pay more than those right-wingers do in taxes, probably combined,” he insisted. “That means I pay for their public services, their education, their everything. But my vote doesn’t count more? Ridiculous.”

“‘On man, one vote’ sound wonderful in theory,” he continued. “But let’s be real: my contribution to the country, in economic terms alone, means I’m more important. It’s just wrong that some settler who hates the IDF and wants to impose Jewish Sharia on the rest of us gets the same say that I do in any election,” he added, displaying an impressive conflation of demographics and errors that even his fellow high-tech colleagues found hard to follow.

“Then there’s my physical contribution, with reserve duty – when it’s right for me to do it,” he hedged. “Right now, since the country is headed in the wrong direction, it doesn’t have the right to my time and experience anymore. I’m sure that’s written in the Declaration of Statehood somewhere.”

“If not, I’ll bet the Supreme Court will come up with a way to defend that logic,” he persisted. “Bibi won’t be able to stop the court. The court will just declare him unfit and depose him, and everything will be fine after that. The right people, my people, will assume their natural place at the helm of the state.”

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