At Least 45 Dead In Unimportant, Non-Israel-Inflicted Bombing

“By reacting to this event I have already departed from my self-imposed ratio of two anti-Israel tweets for every non-Israel-related tweet.”

Damascus, January 31 – At least 45 people were killed and dozens more injured in a suburb of the Syrian capital today, in a triple bombing that was not perpetrated by Israel, and will therefore soon disappear from the international consciousness.

A car bomb exploded in Sayeda Zeinab, and then two suicide bombers detonated themselves as rescue work was occurring, according to witnesses cited by Reuters. The location, which boasts the oldest Shiite shrine in Syria, and the carnage, which so far includes 110 wounded, will soon drop out of the news cycle because no international bodies will call for an investigative commission into allegations of war crimes, as the bombing was not conducted by Israel.

Human rights groups such as Amnesty International quickly condemned the bombing, apparently by the Islamic State, as a violation of the Laws of Armed Conflict and of international humanitarian law, then lost interest as other events such as the existence of Israel grabbed their attention. After a flurry of head-shaking and stern words, the organizations determined that no more could be said or done on the matter, since it was not the Jewish State that had committed the atrocity, and that no further formal steps were necessary.

“This is a grave violation of the laws of war and quite likely a crime against humanity,” said Human Rights Watch director Ken Roth. “But by reacting to this event I have already departed from my self-imposed ratio of two anti-Israel tweets for every non-Israel-related tweet, and must now find two more things to criticize about Israel, so please excuse me.”

A spokesman for the United Nations Human Rights Council affirmed that the bombing, which unconfirmed reports say also killed some Hezbollah members, was heinous. “Our hearts are with the people of Sayeda Zeinab,” said Burundi’s delegate to the council Mgonna Laffatchu. “Unfortunately, these people, many of whom are innocent bystanders and civilians, lacked the foresight to be targeted by Israel, and instead fell prey to the Islamic State, and this council does not have in its capacity to seriously address allegations against non-Israel actors. I would suggest the people of Syria in general just forget about this.”

The Syrian conflict, now nearly five years old, has claimed 300,000 lives and rendered millions refugees or internally displaced. Similar atrocities have been occurring daily at the hands of Assad loyalists’ forces and their Russian air support, but the reports of those attacks and the mounting civilian casualties clearly lack any significance, since they have not resulted from the actions of the IDF.