Attacker Of Random Jews Glad He Lives When Israel Exists For Pundits To Invoke In His Defense

“Israel didn’t figure into such behavior a hundred or two hundred years ago. We just have a fig leaf for it now, and that feels good.”

New York, December 15 – A man arrested today for multiple assaults of Hasidim in Brooklyn voiced his relief that his actions took place in the historical period that features a sovereign Jewish state, without which the people “explaining” his behavior might be forced to resort to naked antisemitic tropes to justify his behavior, not having available the excuse of objections to the policies of said Jewish state, which somehow mitigates the evil of his assaults.

Jamaal Henderson, 26, spoke in his holding cell Thursday afternoon of his appreciation for the existence of the State of Israel not because of the haven it offers history’s most persecuted people, but because he knows that pundits, activists, and other apologists will invoke Israel’s real or imagined behavior toward Palestinian Arabs when they attempt to offer “context” for his eleven verbal and physical attacks on Jews in Crown Heights, Williamsburg, and Midwood.

“If not for Israel, I would look like just another hateful bigot,” he acknowledged. “I’m happy I live when Israel exists, because now I know hundreds, perhaps thousands, of folks will come to my defense and paint me as frustrated over injustice, a seeker of resolution, a defender of the downtrodden. Otherwise they’d have to fall back on more classical rhetorical lines, talking about insularity, landlords, inbreeding, those kinds of things. They’ll invoke those anyway, but not as the first line of defense.”

“It’s weird, because, like, in the back of my mind I know the people I’ve attacked aren’t supporters of Israel,” he continued, referring to most of the kerchief-wearing women and the  frock-wearing, sidelock-growing men he has assaulted while shouting antisemitic slurs. “They’re mostly neutral to it, if not outright hostile, from what I’m told. But that doesn’t matter to me – they’re Jews, so I attack them. I see them as my oppressors, regardless of the specific actions of any given Jew. It’s the Jew in my mind that I project onto the Jew in the street, and the Jew in my mind deserves my violent rage. Israel doesn’t actually figure into it – why would it? Israel didn’t figure into such behavior a hundred or two hundred years ago. We just have a fig leaf for it now, and that feels good.”

Some of those defenders agreed. “It’s gratifying to feel like you’re doing something right when you’re actually giving in to primal, abusive urges,” acknowledged Twitter user @joyjoyjoyblack, who brings up Israel almost daily in response to reports of violence against Jews not in Israel. “That’s in the mold of classic antisemitism, in which harming Jews is a moral duty because they’re so evil, but in this case we even have major international organizations agreeing, so it’s even better.”

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