Whoever comes in second will no doubt wield these allegations as liberally as their US counterparts were sprayed. Jerusalem, January 7 – A glut of accusations that officials and institutions within the American electoral system either illegally suppressed or added ballots to ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionPublic Aghast At Notion That Mere Existence Of Vaccine Doesn’t Permit Reckless Abandon
“It’s pointless to stop me from yelling at the top of my lungs in the immediate vicinity of up to dozens of other people at a time.” Tel Aviv, January 6 – Israelis reacted with horror today to a suggestion that the ...
Read More »Palestinians Hoping Biden Will Remind Jews Not To Be So Goddamn Sovereign
“If the Jews of Israel want to live a normal existence, they have to forfeit the security that everyone needs in order to live a normal existence.” Ramallah, January 5 – The upcoming inauguration of the next American president has ...
Read More »It’s Cute How You Think Agreements Giving Palestinians Self-Governance Will Stop Us From Blasting Israel For Palestinian Misgovernment
by Ken Roth, Director, Human Rights Watch New York, January 4 – It never ceases to amaze and amuse me that people think just because Palestinian leaders signed a binding document accepting responsibility for their own internal affairs covering the ...
Read More »Progressives Torn As Bus Under Which To Throw Jews Fails Emissions Test
“We have to determine whether harming Jews is simply a positive side-effect of our efforts, or a goal in itself.” Sacramento, December 31 – Stalwarts of forward-leaning politics voiced consternation today at a new dilemma that may force them to ...
Read More »Jews Only Group Guilty Of Cultural Appropriation From Position Of Submission
The phenomenon and its curious exception require significant further study. Tel Aviv, December 31 – Anthropologists examining the controversial phenomenon in which a more powerful society adopts and adapts elements of a subject people’s heritage have observed that the insistence ...
Read More »Iran: Successful Israeli Missile-Defense Test A ‘Grave Provocation’
“This dangerous attitude of Jews thinking they can be sovereign must cease.” Tehran, December 30 – Leaders of the Islamic republic of Iran denounced a test of Israel’s layered air defense capabilities that took place earlier this month, calling the ...
Read More »Alternatives To Bibi Almost As Credible As ‘Antizionism Isn’t Antisemitic’
Almost as funny as a terrorist suggesting he targets Jewish children on buses because he wants the best for them. Jerusalem, December 29 – A deeply unpopular yet somehow politically resilient Israeli premier continues to figure atop public opinion polls ...
Read More »Israeli COVID Behavior Somehow Not Militating Against Nanny State
“Essentially, people are morons.” Jerusalem, December 28 – Opponents of intrusive, controlling measures on public and some private behavior to prevent the spread of a deadly pathogen have faced an uphill battle in their campaign to convince government figures not ...
Read More »Isolated Iran Encourages April 1945 Hitler: ‘You Have Them Right Where You Want Them’
“Soon you will bring down the hammer that crushes the enemy and energizes the citizens and soldiers of the Reich to restore the glory it has too long been denied.” Tehran, December 24 – High-ranking officials of the Islamic Republic ...
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